


Habit Mistakes

by Cryptocol



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Dirty Dancing, Domestic Violence, Drug Use, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Minor Relationships, Minor Violence, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexual Tension, don't hate him, hunk and shay are pure, shiro just looks out for his lil bro, there's so much more
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-03-21 01:35:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 39,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13730331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cryptocol/pseuds/Cryptocol
Summary: You see, the what ifs are as boundless as the stars.The only problem is Keith has too many what ifs.But the 'what if' that matters most is the question that may just be the answer to all his questions.





	1. Warning

**Author's Note:**

> I warn you now, this will not be a cute fanfiction. It will have its moments, yes, but I am in no way romanticising mental illnesses or promoting drug use, violence or alcohol abuse. Please speak up if you are dealing with any of these issues.

**PLEASE READ BEFORE YOU START THE STORY:**

 

Hey.

I just want to warn you of what will be included in this story. If you haven't read the tags already, this is rated mature because of the following things:

1) mental illness 

2) drug use

3) alcohol abuse

4) abuse/violence (including sexual assault)

5) sex/sexual language and thoughts

6) constant swearing

I haven't added all the tags as not to ruin the plot of the story but please do not read on if any of these will trigger or harm you in any way. 

 

Furthermore, this is a personal piece of fiction to me. I wrote this to vent my emotions so if you don't agree with any of it then please keep your opinions to yourself or do not read.

I'm sorry for any confusion. I'm writing this based on events that have happened in my life and I can have a really good day and then the next I break down over the littlest of things. Sometimes my mood changes dramatically within a few minutes so some of the chapters will be all over the place, I apologise...

With that over, I guess I'll just post it now. Updates will be slow with how much I have going on in my life right now.

Please, stay safe.

 


	2. Strangers and Rivalries

"So, what do you think?" Hunk asked, turning to his girlfriend and shading his eyes from the Sun.

"I think you're a genius." Shay smiled up at him from her seat on the step lower than him. Pulling a piece of paper from Hunk's lap, she read it again and pointed to a diagram. "But you missed out a label, here."

"I was so close!" he groaned and edited the diagram, laughing slightly. "You know, for a geologist, you sure do know a lot about engineering."

"That's because I have you as a boyfriend. And you talk in your sleep."

"I do not!" Hunk defended and Shay simply laughed at him. 

The high sunlit clouds drifted across a clear blue sky to reveal the Sun that bathed the campus fountain in a golden hue. The water sprayed at the two, providing a moment of refreshment from the high temperature of the Summer. They were sat on the stone steps that led to the Garrison Entrance Hall underneath the harsh yet soothing glare of the Sun. Placing a hand on Shay's cheek and leaning in to kiss her, Hunk groaned as a piece of paper was forced between their faces.

Lance grinned as he sat down, waving his piece of paper in Hunk's face.

"I got an A!"

"Congratulations, man!" Hunk handed him his own paper as he gathered the papers scattered about him and shoved them back into his folder. 

"B minus, nice," Lance handed the paper back and turned to Shay. "What did you get?"

"I don't want to talk about it," she sighed and focused on the fountain beside them. "Besides, I'm not the same type of scientist as you two so we can't really compare."

Lance frowned slightly and raised an eyebrow at Hunk who shrugged. "The thing is, we all took the exam. And Hunk is your boyfriend, which means you have to tell him everything. Hunk tells me everything so I'm going to find out anyway." 

Lance smirked as Hunk agreed with him and Shay rolled her eyes, crossed her legs and turned to face them.

"I got a D." 

"That's not the only D you get," Lance chortled and dodged the book Shay threw at him.

"Don't worry about it too much." Hunk placed a hand on her knee and smiled at her. "You're great at a lot of other things like Geology and track. Think about those things."

Shay smiled and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear before pulling Hunk into a kiss. Lance groaned, threw himself back - wincing when his head hit the concrete - and stared at the clouds. When Hunk and Shay kissed, it was innocent enough but could last for a while and Lance did not want to be the awkward third wheel and watch them.

"What's kickin' little chicken?" Lance grinned as Pidge kicked his side and sat beside him, throwing her legs over his torso. He gestured towards Hunk and Shay and dramatically sighed. 

"The Universe has cursed us with PDA."

"Eh, leave them to it," Pidge said and leant back on her hands, staring at the sky with Lance. "What did you get?"

"An A." he smirked as Pidge's eyes widened behind the glasses that oddly suited her even though they were half the size of her face. 

"You're shitting me! There's no way  _you_ got an A!"

Lance pushed himself up on his elbows and pulled out the paper from his pocket and thrust it in her face. " _Proof_."

"Holy  _shit_ , I'm so proud of you!" she exulted, diving on him and wrapping her arms around his neck. "I knew you could do it!" 

"It's all thanks to you. Without you, I would have thrown myself out of the window the moment I read the date."

Pidge laughed as she removed herself and tapped Hunk's arm with her outstretched foot. After a few more taps, he finally pulled away from Shay and flashed her a smile. 

"Hey Pidge, how'd you do?"

"Full marks, as always." She smirked and then patted Lance's stomach. "I'm proud of this one though, he's finally learning something after 19 years of being alive!" 

Lance whined as the other three laughed at him. Pidge punched his shoulder and threw a food bag at him from the Garrison Cafe. He took the doughnuts gratefully and halved one with her before passing the other to Hunk.

The four of them stayed there until their final class of the day was about to start and begrudgingly left the cool outside to enter the furnace they called the Garrison. Pidge rolled her eyes when Lance complained about the lack of air conditioning (though she silently agreed with him) and dragged him through the path the other students cleared for them, waving goodbye to Hunk and Shay when they reached their class.

 

"Hey Lance," Pidge whispered and Lance hummed as he drew music notes in the margin of his book. "Keith is staring at you again."

"What? Really?" He snapped his head up and yelped when Pidge smacked the back of it.

"Don't look, idiot. You're making it obvious. But, yes, he's staring at you again."

"Why though?" He ran a hand through his hair. "I mean, I know I'm absolutely gorgeous and no one can get enough of me." He winked. "But why  _him_?"

"He's probably plotting your death." Pidge shrugged and turned back to the front of the class where the teacher was explaining the syllabus. 

"WHAT?"

"Mr McClain, do you have something to say?"

"No Professor Sendak." He smiled and picked up his pen, waving it in the air. "Sorry for disturbing the lesson, sir." 

Professor Sendak only scoffed and continued with the lesson but Lance didn't really pay attention. He could get the notes from Pidge later; after all, he had a guy who looked like he'd murdered before sat behind him who just so happened to stare at him frequently, he was entitled to be distracted.

When the class had finished, Lance and Pidge parted ways. He strolled through the B-wing and halted when he saw Keith pulling a folder from a locker. He watched as his midnight-black hair fell softly over his eyes and he parted his lips slightly when slamming the locker shut, wincing as it resounded through the desolate corridor. He didn't look like a murderer...more like a small kitten. Ah, what the hell.

Making his way over, he leant against the lockers to face Keith and grinned when his purple eyes widened in surprise. "Hey."

"Hi," Keith replied, his voice slightly higher than usual before he coughed and repeated himself. 

"I've caught you staring at me for a while now. Do I have something on my face other than pure perfection?" He smirked and Keith furrowed his eyebrows. 

"What? I haven't been staring at you." He noticed the way Keith scrunched up his nose as he thought. Kitten. "I space out a lot so it may have seemed like I was staring, but I wasn't."

"Oh." Lance grabbed the left strap of his backpack and shifted his weight, smirk still confident on his lips. "Well, you can space out on me all you want so long as I get to see your pretty face."

Keith rolled his eyes. "Who even are you?"

"Who am I? Uh, the name's Lance. Lance McClain, the top student at the Garrison, other than Pidge, of course."

"Again, who?"

"Damn, you really are a loner, aren't you."

Keith scowled and threw his bag over his shoulder. "I don't know who you think you are, but I don't really care. So if you would kindly move out of my way, that would be great."

Lance grabbed Keith's arm and turned him around as he pushed past him. Exaggerating his hand gestures, he tried to defend his reputation. 

"We're in the same astrophysics class. You know, we are always neck and neck with test scores and stuff."

"If you haven't noticed, I don't waste my time socialising with idiots. Leave me alone and drop the stupid rivalry," Keith responded and pushed past him again, walking further down the corridor. He really  _didn't_  remember him.

"Oh come on, you're going to die lonely, you know that right?" Lance shouted at him and sighed when the doors slammed shut, leaving him alone. "Man, what crawled up his ass."

 

**\--------------**

 

From that day forward, Keith's staring only got worse. 

He didn't really know why he kept stealing glances at the obnoxious boy sat in front of him in class and even in the hallways when they passed each other. He would occasionally find himself quickly diverting his eyes when Lance caught him staring and snapped him out of his trance. He had once spaced out for an entire lesson, not even tuning back into reality when Sendak slammed a book down on his table -  _three times_. But all it took was one look from Lance and Keith was hyper-aware of his surroundings. 

He groaned for what seemed like the tenth time that period and moved his gaze to stare out of the window. 

He couldn't deny that Lance was attractive. His unkempt locks were dark and lustrous, sheen like fine hardwood. Against it, his exotic brown complexion gave him a Mediterranean appearance and Keith resented the way his blue eyes glistened in the Sunlight shining through the slight crack in the blinds. That was one thing Keith hated about Lance. How beautiful he was. 

Keith knew _he_ was attractive. He had had his fair share of girls flirting with him and asking him out on dates but he had always turned them down. He wasn't interested in them. What was he interested in?

Lance McClain.

But Keith had a fucking  _boyfriend_.

A boyfriend who loved him just as much as he loved him. And they were happy.

Having no idea why one interaction with Lance affected him like this, Keith gladly left the room when Sendak dismissed the class. It had been a month since Lance confronted him and he was still surprised when he was waiting for him at his locker like he had done every previous day. Rolling his eyes, he pushed Lance away from his locker and opened it, forcefully shoving his astrophysics folder onto the top shelf. 

"What do you want?" he grumbled.

"Your friendship."

"Why?"

"You told to me to stop with the rivalry, so here I am." 

Keith sighed. "That doesn't mean stalk me every day and ambush me at my locker. I don't want your friendship."

"Oh, come on, Keith," Lance whined and stuck out his bottom lip. "Would it be so bad to be my friend?"

"Conversing is agony and small talk is hard. I'm trying my best here, trying to resist. So just leave me alone, ceasing to exist."

Lance blinked a few times. He opened his mouth to say something but then closed it again and shook his head before grinning. 

"Didn't know you were a poet. But I guess all edgy emo angsty teens are poets, right?"

"Excuse you? I am not emo or angsty." Keith scowled and folded his arms over his chest.

"What about edgy?" Lance raised an eyebrow.

Keith only motioned for Lance's neck being snapped as he slammed his locker shut.

Lance laughed. "Okay, definitely edgy. You _have_ to come and hang out with us now! Pidge would  _love_ you! She'd probably turn you into her minion but at least you will be on the winning side when she completes her World Domination Plan."

Keith stared at him with his eyes slightly widened. All he could focus on was the movement of Lance's face as he talked and the dimple that slithered on the surface of his skin. His eyes landed on the collar bones stuck out from underneath his blue tank top and followed the shoulders that moved gracefully as he lifted his arms to exaggerate a point he was making.  _Dancer's shoulders._

"Keith, hello?" Lance snapped his fingers in front of his face and chuckled when he coughed and stepped away. "You coming? We're all going to Altea, you know, the coffee shop just down the road?"

"No."

Lance pouted and loosened his grip on his bag so that it hung awkwardly off one of his shoulders. "Come on, please?"

"No. I don't want to go and I don't want your friendship so leave me alone." 

He ignored Lance's call of his name as he walked through the doors and pulled out his phone, untangling the earphones wrapped around his neck. Contrary to popular belief and the all black outfit he was wearing (which he greatly regretted wearing), he didn't always listen to alternative 'emo' music. Sure, he enjoyed it more than he did any other genre, but he liked a variety of songs.

Brushing his fringe from his eyes and pinning it back with a clip, he made his way to the local park. There was a time when Keith would visit with Shiro and the two would sit on the swings and talk until the street lamps turned on, but now it was just him. Had been for years. 

He trailed through the park and climbed over the fence separating it from the woods, listening to a song from High School Musical. Keith hated High School Musical, but since he had heard Lance humming it in class a few days prior, it had stuck in his brain and became a catchy tune he liked to listen to when he was stressed. It was upbeat - the kind of song that made you want to nod your head along or stupidly act it out - but he didn't mind it too much.

The tree he usually sat against came into view and he sighed as he threw his bag down and slid down the trunk until he was sat on the floor. Pulling out a sketchbook and a selection of coloured pencils, he turned to his most recent drawing and tapped his lip with a blue crayon. He unlocked his phone and selected his Fall Out Boy album; whenever he started a drawing whilst listening to music, he had to continue listening to the same songs until he finished. It was a strange quirk of his - something Kyllen had pointed out.

His drawing was a grey wolf howling at the moon from a rock in the middle of a lake. The water was complete, and Keith was impressed at how he had managed to make it look realistic as though it were shimmering in the moonlight. The sky, however, was a different story. He had tried to create a red galaxy theme with hints of purple, but it hadn't gone the way he wanted it to, therefore resulting in him aggressively colouring with random colours. Looking back, Keith hated how angry he had gotten over something that could have easily been fixed. And now he had ruined a perfectly good drawing. 

By the time he had finished colouring the sky to the best of his abilities, it was nearing four o'clock. He packed away his art supplies and rushed to his feet, choosing to run through the streets rather than waste his money on a taxi. 

When he finally stopped running to catch a breath, he pulled out his earphones and took in his surroundings, noting that it would only be a five-minute walk home from where he was. He had fifteen minutes until four and he sighed, relieved. Something caught his attention in the corner of his eye. A bright pink neon sign reading Altea flickered against the melancholic background of the town. In the window, he saw Lance squashed into the corner of a booth, shouting protests as a smaller body advanced towards him with a bottle of mustard in their hand. There were two others but Keith didn't pay them much attention, only that one looked like a friendly wrestler and the other looked similar to the one attacking Lance.

Keith's arms dropped to his side as he watched Lance push away the bottle just in time for the sauce to miss dropping on him. Lance's dimple was fully showing, sitting atop the upturned lips Keith had often found himself watching when he talked. His hair was messier than before like someone had repeatedly run their hands through it and he was chatting enthusiastically with his friends about something he couldn't understand through lip-reading. Something uneasy settled inside him as Lance threw an arm around the one he had wrestled and pulled them into him, smiling at them like a proud, older brother. 

Turning away, he put his earphones in again and headed home, closing his eyes slowly before opening them again and blinking as normal. Brendon Urie's voice filled the bitter silence that had fallen upon him. It only took him seven minutes until he was pulling out his keys. Double checking the time and repeating to himself that it wasn't past four, he removed his shoes, turned off his music and shoved his phone in his coat pocket hanging by the door. 

"I'm home," he called, already moving to the living room and dropping onto the couch beside Kyllen. When he didn't reply, Keith tapped his leg with his foot and tried again. "What's wrong, babe?"

"I don't know, you tell me," he sneered and Keith retracted his foot.

"What?"

"Where have you been?" he questioned, never once taking his eyes off the TV.

"I've been at college, you know that-"

"Liar." Kyllen snapped his head toward him and scowled. "Tell me where you've been. I want the truth."

"I told you, I was at the Garrison-"

"Don't fucking lie to me!" Keith flinched as Kyllen towered over him. He gripped the collar of Keith's shirt and pulled him from the sofa. "Who are you seeing behind my back?"

"No one!" Keith stuttered, focusing on Kyllen's blond hair rather than the emerald green eyes boring into him.

"You're lying."

"Please, Kyllen. I'm not lying! I love _you_. I promise I'm not seeing anyone else," he choked and tried to pull Kyllen's fist away.

Kyllen's fist tightened before he threw him to the floor. He gripped his hair and muttered to himself as he walked into the kitchen. Keith pushed himself up, ignoring the pain in his wrist, and took three deep breaths. It's alright. He's just had a bad day.

He removed the clip from his hair and let his fringe fall over his face as he bit his lip and walked into the kitchen.

"It's okay," he whispered as he wrapped his arms around Kyllen's waist and buried his head in his back. "It's okay, I'm here."

"Akira, baby, I'm so sorry," Kyllen cried, turning around to face him. He cupped his face in his hands and brushed his fringe to the side. "It's been a rough day and you didn't text me. It's like you don't love me as much as I love you. I can't help but feel like I'm not good enough for you and that you're going to leave me for someone better-"

"No, no, no. That's not true," Keith said as he wiped a tear from Kyllen's cheek.  _It's not his fault, it's yours._  Swallowing before continuing, Keith lifted his head. "There is no one in this entire world that I love more than you. I don't want anyone else. You give me so much, Kyllen and if anything, it's me who doesn't deserve you. Not the other way round."

An obnoxious flirt flickered into his mind, but Kyllen didn't need to know that. It's not like he _wanted_ Lance. He just -

"I'm sorry for not texting you, I was in class and Sendak is strict on the 'no phones in the classroom' rule. Let me make it up to you."

Kyllen smiled and pulled him in for a kiss, resting a hand on the back of his head. A hand trailed down to the small of his back and squeezed his ass to pull him in closer. It wasn't how Keith had planned the night to go, but he rolled his hips anyway as he was pushed against the kitchen counter. It was his fault Kyllen felt that way, this was the least he could do.

 

**\--------------------**

 

Lance faceplanted into his bed the moment he got home. He had stayed out drinking with Pidge - which was a bad idea in itself - but then they had made a bet on who could cause the most disruption in a shopping centre and not get caught, which had ended with him sprinting home at four in the morning with only one shoe and carrying an inflatable unicorn and a stolen piece of red lingerie.

He thought that maybe a few hours rest would rid his pounding headache. Boy, was he wrong.

Having forgotten to close his curtains, the Sun pried his eyes open and he cried in pain before pulling the duvet over his head. Pulling himself to his feet - extremely slow and unbalanced - he wrapped himself in his blanket and stumbled into the living room, sinking into the couch beside Hunk.

"I'm dying," he complained and shrunk further into his duvet cacoon. "I'm dying...I'm dead."

Hunk moved from the couch, allowing him to lie on it face down as he walked into the kitchen. It was 10 am and luckily they didn't have any classes that day, but he still mentally scolded his roommate for drinking during the week.

"Here," he said as he held a cup out to Lance and rolled his eyes when he made no move to grab it. "I made you my hangover cure, brewed directly from my witch's cauldron."

"I knew that was real!" Lance blurted and stuck out a hand from the duvet to grab the drink. He slowly sat up, not allowing the cover to fall off his head, and sniffed the drink. "You still won't tell me what's in it?"

"If I told you, I'd have to kill you."

Lance laughed and then winced as a sharp pain went through his head. "Why did I think that drinking was a good idea? Next time Pidge asks me to drink, knock me out and drag me home before I can agree," he groaned.

Hunk chuckled. "You say that every time."

"You mustn't love me enough to stop me then," Lance huffed and took a sip of Hunk's hangover cure, smiling slightly when Hunk ruffled his hair. 

"Guess I just love seeing you in pain."

"Hey!" he shouted and groaned once again when his head erupted in pain. "Fuck alcohol."

 

\------------------------

 

Keith woke up three hours earlier than usual. He turned his 7 o'clock alarm off and slumped into the bathroom, careful to not wake Kyllen. Turning the shower on, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. A red, blotchy face stared back at him with bloodshot eyes and greasy hair. His bags were evident and his typical, modest smile had been replaced with a permanent frown. He sighed and pulled his shirt over his head and threw it into the laundry basket.

As he stepped into the shower, he thought about Lance. He lathered the shampoo in his hands and frowned as he ran it through his hair, an image of him and his friends in the Altean booth flashing across his mind. From what he had heard and seen, Lance was always smiling, always happy, always...something. He was a friend, a son, a flirt, a hard-worker, a dreamer. Keith? Keith was Kyllen's boyfriend. That's all he was. He didn't have anything. Lance seemed to have everything. Everything Keith had ever wanted, at least. 

He shook his head, rinsed his hair and turned off the shower. The bathroom tiles stung his feet as he padded to the bedroom and threw on a hoodie and some jeans. Kyllen stirred when he bent over to unplug his phone and he muttered a small greeting.

"Where you off to?" Kyllen mumbled, still half asleep. His hair splayed across the pillow and he squashed his cheek against the pillow as he fluttered his eyes open to meet Keith's. 

"I have class at 9, but I woke up earlier than usual so I didn't want to wake you," he replied. He stayed crouched at the side of the bed and rested his head on his arms. "You can go back to sleep if you want, I was just going to make some coffee."

"Have you been crying?" Kyllen reached a hand to his face and wiped under his eye with his thumb.

Keith shook his head and gave him a lopsided smile. "I'm fine, babe. Don't worry about me."

He kissed Kyllen's cheek and stood to leave.

"Baby, come back!" Keith raised an eyebrow as Kyllen held his arms out like a child wanting to be picked up. He slowly sat up and yawned. "Akiraaaa."

"Yeah?" 

"I want you."

"You want me?"

"Yeah," Kyllen smirked and patted his lap. "I want you."

Keith let out a playful sigh and walked back over to the bed. He crawled into Kyllen's lap and sat with his legs wrapped around his torso. "No sex. Just kissing."

Kyllen pouted and Keith stroked his bottom lip with his index finger. "Just...kissing."

He smiled and bent down to press his lips to Kyllen's. His lips were soft against his bitten ones and Keith danced his fingers along Kyllen's bare shoulder blades. Electricity tingled the tips of his fingers like it did every morning when they kissed and Keith pushed himself closer without it being too sexual. He wanted intimacy. He wanted to be held. He wanted to feel loved.

Kyllen loved him.

 

 

Sitting in class, he couldn't stop thinking about his make-out session with Kyllen this morning. He had kept to his word and not gone further than kissing but Keith knew he had wanted more. Kyllen loved waking him up by tracing patterns 'innocently' into his sensitive spots and kissing his stomach just above his waistband. It usually ended in him giving Kyllen a blowjob or lazy sex. Keith wasn't a fan of it. He preferred cute morning wake ups with bashful smiles and coffee. He loved waking up to the Sun shining softly over his boyfriend's face as he slept with an arm protectively around him and kissing his nose as he fluttered his eyes open and smiled sleepily before softly kissing back. That had only happened once with Kyllen though. And whatever Kyllen didn't like, Keith didn't do.

He picked up his pencil and rested his head on his opened palm as he continued his drawing of a red, robotic cat.

"I FOUND YOU!"

"Hi, Lance," he greeted without lifting his head.

"How did you know it was me?" Keith chuckled bitterly.

"Who else would be looking for me?" Lance simply sat beside him and watched as he added more to his drawing.

"You're a really good artist," he complimented in awe when Keith signed his work and put his pen down.

"It was only a doodle...it's not that great anyway," he shrugged and closed his book.

"If that was just a doodle, I'd love to see what happens when you put 100% into it!" Lance smiled and then his grin grew deeper. He climbed onto the table they were sat at and laid on her side to face him.

"Paint me like one of your French girls, Kogane." The other students burst into laughter as he wiggled his eyebrows and Keith stared at him, horrified. 

"McClain, get _off_ the table and sit your ass _down_ before I have something more to say," Professor Thace declared as he entered the classroom carrying a pile of papers. His dark hair was kept neatly gelled back and he wore the same calm, collected expression on his face as every other day. His eyebrows were also quite noticeable.

"Oh, but I bet you'd love to paint me, professor!" Lance smirked as he slid off the table and into the seat beside Keith who cringed internally. 

"I'm warning you, Lance. We don't want a repeat of last time, do we?" Thace raised an eyebrow as the rest of the students fell into silence, eyeing the two curiously.

"I suppose not. Now carry on with the lesson, sir. We are here to learn, after all." He smiled and Thace sighed softly before introducing the lesson's topic.

"Sex. It's a part of everyone's life. Whether that be experiencing it yourself, seeing it, hearing it, or even simply knowing about it. We can't escape it," he started. "Because of this, we're going to be exploring society and the ways it perceives sex. This also includes the LGBT+ community, peer pressures, and other topics which are included in the booklet I gave you at the start of the year. Talk amongst yourselves and complete the tasks on pages four and five."

"Great topic, sir! It's definitely something you can easily teach us about!" Lance clapped and a few students snickered.

"Lance."

"Yes?"

"Please, get on with the work."

"Sure thing, Eyebrows!" Lance did finger guns at him and he facepalmed.

Keith glanced at his paper and sighed. He tapped his fingers on the desk and rested his head on his left hand.

"So, Keith. What do you think about sex?" Lance asked, twiddling his pencil between his fingers.

"It's...fine?" he replied, an eyebrow raised, and saw a small smirk forming on Lance's lips.

"What is your preferred position?"

"You can't just ask that!"

"I bet you're a submissive type," he continued, writing on her pad as he talked.

Keith choked.

"Excuse me? I'm not submissive!" he defended and crossed his arms, turning his head to the side.

"Oh, you are!" Lance teased and pinched his cheeks. "And I also bet you have some weird kinks of being dominated and chained up, don't you?"

"I-"

"Just imagine them towering over you as you're chained to the bed. You're begging for them as they slowly drag you closer to their face by the collar around your neck. Then they take their lo-"

"Lance! This is  _not_ the time to be discussing BDSM!" Professor Thace shouted across the classroom and Lance deadpanned as Keith sunk into his chair.

"Would you rather we wait until you're here?"

"This is your last warning, Mr McClain." Thace had a voice that could silence even the worst behaved students, but Lance simply laughed and waved him off.

"Okay, okay!"

"Wait. You're not even supposed to be in this class!" Thace ran a hand down his face and marched over to their table. Keith internally panicked as he stormed over but Lance was still innocently smiling up at him. 

The other students laughed as Thace pulled Lance's chair from underneath him and pointed towards the door. Lance let out an 'oof' and stood to pat Thace's shoulder.

"For you, sir, I will be polite and leave without causing any disruption," he smiled cheekily before turning his head to Keith. "And, Keith?"

Keith hesitated...raised his head.

"If you're interested, I know a guy!" He winked as Thace escorted him from the classroom and slammed the door shut, ignoring Lance as he pressed his face up to the window and stuck his tongue out. Keith slammed his head against the table.

"Okay, class. Now that the idiot is gone, can we please finish the work!" Thace rolled his eyes and cast _a look_ towards him. He avoided eye contact and completed the questions before handing his paper in and leaving the class with all intentions of not turning back - even when he realised he had forgotten his drawing.

 

"KEEEEEEF!"

Keith's shoulders dropped as he stopped eating and waited for Lance. He threw himself into the seat across from him and pulled out various books.

"Mind if I sit with you? Great!" he smiled and sent a text to someone before turning back to him.

"Don't you think you've embarrassed me enough today?" he asked and tapped his fingers on the table, slowly counting to twenty.

"That wasn't embarrassment! I can show you what is if you want?"

"NO! I'm fine, thank you..."

"Suit yourself," Lance shrugged and opened a blue notebook. He followed his movements with his eyes as he placed his apple down and Lance copied notes from one book into another. "Why don't you want my friendship?"

"What?"

"Whenever I try to talk to you, you push me away." Lance smiled wryly. "I know that your family isn't exactly around but that doesn't mean that everyone is going to leave you."

"What the fuck? How do you know that?" He seethed and tried to ignore the sickness in his stomach. 

"A friend," he shrugged and pulled out more papers from a black folder. "Look, Keith. I don't want to seem too pushy or anything...but all I want is your friendship. Let me show you that not everyone is bad. You'd love my friends. Hunk is literally an Angel walking on Earth and Pidge is...well Pidge is just amazing. You'd get along with Matt and Shay too. Can you not just give me a chance? I've tried almost everything to get your attention."

"Why...why have you done all this?" Keith tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. "Why me? Why are you so desperate for _my_ attention? I'm not anything special."

"How can you say that?" Lance gasped and leant forward on his elbows. "Keith Kogane, there is something special about everyone. You are no different from the rest of us. And I know that this lone wolf vibe you give off is just a front. Please, I just want to be your friend. Everyone needs a friend."

"And you couldn't think to just ask me like any other normal person?" 

"I already asked you!" Lance rolled his eyes and sat back. "You turned me down. Brutally, may I add."

He stayed silent as Lance pulled out his phone and scrolled through his pictures.

"HERE!" he exclaimed and showed him the screen. "This is an old class photo but there's Hunk. The guy with the yellow bandana." He pointed at a small boy in the front row. "I'm here, as beautiful as always." He winked and Keith scoffed. "And here's you. Alone. At the back. By yourself. Alone."

"All right, I get it," he huffed. Lance chuckled.

 "Look, even as a kid you never socialised. I was so excited to start the new year and finally become your friend!" Lance awed at the picture and looked back at him. "But then you moved. And when Pidge pointed you out when we started the Garrison I hardly recognised you. You've changed so much."

"Pidge? Who's Pidge?"

His head hurt. He rubbed his temples as Lance pouted slightly.

"One of my friends, god do you ever listen?" 

He winced. "I'm sorry! I-" he blurted but froze when Lance started laughing.

"Hey, I was only joking, don't look so scared." Lance raised an eyebrow as he laughed nervously.

"So...where's Pidge?" he asked and pulled the phone closer.

"Don't bother looking for her. She's a vampire. Doesn't show up in photographs. That's why there's an empty seat here." Lance pointed to a vacant space between two students in the middle of a row and Keith did a double take. "Speak of the devil and the devil shall arrive," he whispered.

"Stop telling everyone I'm a vampire." Pidge sighed and flopped onto the table, groaning as she banged her head.

It didn't take long for him to realise she was the one attacking Lance in the booth. God, he needed to stop obsessing about that.

"But Pidgey! It's such a convenient story because I have never seen one single photo with you in it, you are paler than Edward Cullen, you hardly sleep, you hardly eat...all you need now is glitter!" Lance cackled and Pidge whacked him across the back of the head. 

"I can certainly snap your neck like a vampire would." She scowled and turned to Keith. "I was absent on photo day. Pidge, nice to meet you."

"Uh, nice to meet you too." He nodded and shook her hand. 

Lance rubbed the back of his head and poked Pidge's cheek. "Funny, that's what Keith said when I first talked to him. Maybe you two can bond over snapping my neck and aliens."

"Aliens?"

Pidge snapped her head towards him and crawled halfway across the table. He was surprised _her_ neck didn't snap with that reaction.

"Oh fuck." Lance cursed.

"YOU BELIEVE?"

"I do believe in fairies, I do, I do." Lance chanted but Pidge stared at him expectantly. He swallowed before checking his phone and nodding.

"Oh my fucking god! This is _amazing_! Do you believe the Moon Landing and what about Area 51 and-" Keith zoned out as Pidge started rambling about different conspiracy theories and turned his gaze to Lance.

'I'm sorry,' he mouthed with an unapologetic grin. He raised his hands in defence and winked as he stole some of Pidge's milkshake when she wasn't looking.

Keith's phone buzzed. 

 

 **Kyllen:** _Hey baby, I'll be there in five minutes_

 

His eyes widened and he grabbed his bag and threw it over his shoulder. He grabbed his apple and stumbled as he tried to step over the bench. "I'm really sorry, I have to go. Thank you for the offer, but I'll have to decline. I'm fine by myself, and Kyllen- I have to go."

Lance frowned as he ran off and turned to Pidge. 

"Well that was weird," she said.

"I think you scared him off with your conspiracy stuff." Lance chuckled before looking back to Keith's retreating figure. "But something's wrong. Did you see the bandage on his wrist? And 'Kyllen'? Who's Kyllen? Do you think he stops him from making friends?"

"And you say _I'm_ the one with all the crazy conspiracy theories." Pidge flicked his forehead and took a sip of her milkshake. "Chill out dude. I think he has social anxiety."

"Maybe..."

"Anyway, have you finished with my notes? Class starts in five minutes."

"SHIT."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Accident

"Ugh, remind me again why we thought taking a 9 am class was a good idea," Lance groaned, his morning voice rough and sluggish.

"The afternoon clashed with Astrophysics." Pidge yawned and Lance awed, immediately taking it back when she turned her head to him so suddenly he swore he heard her neck crack. A tired Pidge was a Pidge you did  _not_ want to get on the wrong side of.

The two pushed their way through the campus, both looking as frightening as the other. Lance was a _straight up mess_ and the dark circles underneath Pidge's eyes would put any bag company to shame. Her glare was her most dangerous weapon when she was tired. That scowl could make a grown man cry in a matter of seconds. Pidge yawned once again and misjudged a step, causing her to fall into Lance who grunted and set her straight. 

"What a pair you two are," Hunk greeted them with a smile when they entered the Garrison Cafe and fell into the seats beside him, simultaneously slamming their heads onto the table and earning a few concerned looks from other students. He handed them both a cup of coffee and watched, slightly horrified, as Pidge downed hers in one gulp.

"I need more!" She gasped and left the booth to cut the line and get 'Death Coffee' as Hunk had named it. 

"Did you get  _any_ sleep last night?"

Lance shook his head, trying to stop the coffee cup from twisting into strange shapes.

"Why did I let you sleep out on a school night? And only a week after your drinking incident too..."

"'mm not a child," Lance huffed and brought his coffee to his mouth, wincing when it burnt his tongue; he worried for Pidge's taste buds.

"I told you you'd regret sleeping at Pidge's but did you listen to me? No," Hunk rambled. "You said  _'but we're not drinking so it'll be fine'_  but I warned you, Lance. I  _warned_ you."

"No regrets," Lance shrugged.

"I regret your existence," Pidge mumbled as she returned with three more cups of coffee.

"Hm, too bad. Your brother didn't seem to be saying that last night."

Hunk snorted. "Good one, Lance."

"Do you even realise what you just said?" she quirked an eyebrow and smirked as Lance's face morphed into realisation and then pure horror.

" _No_ , no! I didn't mean that! Oh  _god_ , no."

Lance sank into the seat, closed his eyes and listened to the soft hum of the cafe to try and distract himself from his blush and Pidge's laughter. He preferred the background noise in Altea, but the cafe was convenient as it was closer to the Garrison so it would have to do. What he needed was to sleep for a week.

"Hey, Pidgeon," he cut her off as she was halfway through conversing a new TV show with Hunk. "Think you can arrange for me to be put into a coma?"

"No can do, bud." She grinned, already feeling better after having four cups of coffee. "That position is reserved for Matt. He was lying on the floor and begging for me to put him in a four-year coma yesterday, but I'm sure you know  _all about_  Matt's begging, don't you?"

"Fuck off." Lance scowled and Pidge and Hunk laughed, returning to their conversation.

When the bell chimed to signal someone had just entered the cafe, Lance didn't think anything of it. But when he finally opened his eyes and caught sight of the back of someone's head, he was suddenly awake and itching to move. He'd recognise that mullet anywhere. 

"I just remembered, I gotta do something before class." He stumbled to the door after awkwardly climbing over Pidge. "Meet you there!"

 

Eventually finding Keith, Lance slowed his jog and fell into step beside him.

"Hey," he greeted but Keith didn't respond. It took him five more minutes of trying to get his attention when he realised he had his music playing and his eyes closed. Pulling out an earphone, he greeted him again. "Morning, Mullet."

"What the fuck," Keith cursed and lashed out, striking him in the face with his fist. He watched with wide eyes as Lance recoiled, holding his hands to his nose as he groaned in pain.

"What the  _fuck_ was that for?"

"You scared me!" Keith shouted and clutched his bag strap. "Shit man, why did you do that?"

Lance pulled his hands away from his face and yelled when he saw the blood coating them. "Look what you did! You  _ruined_ my  _beautiful_ face!"

"Stop being such a drama queen," Keith huffed and grabbed his wrist to pull him away from the crowded pathway. He led him to an empty bench and forced him to sit down. 

He watched with curiosity as Keith pulled a first aid kit from his bag. He fiddled with it awkwardly as one of his black gloves caught on the latch, pulled out a sterile wipe and turned to him. 

"Don't make this any harder than it has to be," he warned before pressing the wipe to Lance's nose and cleaning the blood left behind from his punch.

He tried not to think about the way Lance's nose crinkled when the disinfectant tickled it or how he watched Keith's movements with wide eyes that glistened in the sunlight. Or how about how he had his hands resting awkwardly on his thighs? Instead, he reminded himself that they had class in fifteen minutes and focused on cleaning Lance's (oh-so-beautiful) face. Damn it, Keith, get your shit together.

"I don't think it's broken," he said once he had finished and handed Lance another wipe so he could clean his hands. "Sorry for punching you."

"It's all good." Lance coughed, waved him off and thanked him. "Sorry for scaring you."

"Guess we're both even." A small smirk played on Keith's lips. "What did you want?"

"I was going to ask if you were okay, actually."

"Why wouldn't I be?" Keith asked over his shoulder as he packed away his first aid kit.

"That," Lance replied and Keith turned to look at him. Following where his gaze was, he noticed his sleeve had ridden up to show the bandage around his wrist. He mentally cursed and pulled his sleeve over his hand. 

"It's nothing, don't worry about it." 

"Do you self-harm?" His voice was a whisper, hesitant of saying the wrong thing and fucking up any chance of a friendship they had.

"What? No! I don't...why would you think that?" spluttered Keith and Lance sighed heavily. "I just fell and sprained it, that's all."

"Okay, okay. That's good then." He grinned. "Didn't know you could be so clumsy, Mullet."

"Yeah, that's me. Always getting into accidents," Keith replied and turned away to pick up his bag, missing the way Lance furrowed his eyebrows. "We should get to class."

"I'll walk you."

"There's no need-"

"No, I insist," Lance smiled once again and gestured for Keith to walk ahead of him. "Ladies first."

Keith only rolled his eyes as Lance fell in to step with him and they walked silently to class.

 

"Woah dude, what the hell happened to you?" Pidge chortled as he wandered into the class only moments before Professor Haggar entered. 

"I got punched in the face." He shrugged and Pidge rolled her eyes.

"Who did you piss off now?"

"It's not always  _my_ fault you know," he sulked and watched the teacher for a few minutes before replying. "I went to talk to Keith and accidentally scared him so he punched me. There was blood  _everywhere_."

Hunk turned around in his seat from in front of them and shook his head. "What am I going to do with you?"

"I'm awesome and you know it." He smirked and shot finger guns at his friend who groaned and headbutted the table. 

 

**\------------**

 

When Keith arrived home a few days later, Kyllen was waiting for him in the kitchen.

"Go get dressed, we're going out."

"Dress code?" Keith replied, already stripping his jumper and throwing it into the basket by the washer. He didn't miss the way Kyllen's eyes roamed over his body and the slight lick of his lips he did before turning back to the sink. Keith smirked.

"Look good but not too good that others look at you more than necessary," was his reply.

Keith nodded even though Kyllen couldn't see him and stretched his arms above his head as he made his way to their bedroom. He gave himself a quick glance in the mirror, decided he didn't need a shower and moved to his drawers. Pulling out a black crop top, tight skinny jeans and a fishnet top, he laid them on the bed and tied his hair back. He had only changed into his jeans when Kyllen snaked his arms around his waist and pressed against him from behind.

"I thought I told you to not dress up to the point where others will be staring at you?" his voice was low and Keith shuddered as his breath ghosted across his skin. Kyllen's fingers were tracing patterns into his stomach, straying dangerously close to his waistband and he pushed him away slightly. 

"Don't worry babe." He smiled, pulled on his two tops and kissed Kyllen's cheek before he could start an argument. "The only eyes I want on me are yours."

"Good." He pulled the bobble from Keith's hair. "Keep it down, too much skin is already showing."

He nodded as Kyllen dragged him to the door, not letting the comment play on his mind. Not tonight. Making sure he moved his phone into his hoodie's pocket by the door before pulling on his favourite red coat, he laced up his doc martens and smiled at his boyfriend. His head only reached Kyllen's collarbone but he still made to effort to stand on his toes to kiss him, even if he couldn't quite reach. "Let's get going."

 

Keith had been to clubs before, always as Kyllen's plus one. They had been dating for almost a year now and they had been to a total of thirty since then. Nevertheless, he always cringed when the first scent of alcohol reached him the moment he walked through the doors. 

They had gone to one of Kyllen's favourite bars, one where he knew the owner and could get free drinks and V.I.P passes whenever he pleased. That was one of the perks of being Kyllen's boyfriend - free drinks. Keith knew he shouldn't be drinking, but he was dancing alongside flames, and sometimes a drink was all it took to put out those flames for a while.

"What can I get you?" the bartender shouted over the loud music. He liked his style. His green hair glowed under the pub lights, his ripped black shirt and white skinny jeans highlighted his pale complexion, and the nose ring in his right nostril glinted occasionally. 

"Two Vodka Cranberries," Kyllen answered, tightening his grip on Keith when the bartender spared him a glance. He nodded before moving to make the drinks, and soon enough, two Vodka Cranberries were being handed to them. 

"Tab?" Kyllen slid over his credit card and the bartender moved into action before handing it back. "Have a good night."

He stumbled slightly as Kyllen dragged him to a seating area, barely managing to grab his drink before they left. He caught the bartender's eye and paid no attention to the concerned gaze he gave him. He didn't care.

The heavy bass of the remix thumped along with his heart. The club was lively: people were cheering, dancing and singing along to the lyrics of popular songs, and a few people were only there for the drinks. He found himself mesmerised by the strobe lights flashing over everyone's faces, glow in the dark paint decorating them with tribal patterns and he wished Kyllen would let him paint his own designs. But Kyllen hated face paint. Said it looked stupid. Childish.

"Hey man, how you been?" a voice brought his attention to three guys joining them at the table, each with their own beverages. The music was almost loud enough to drown their voices out but he smiled politely as Kyllen answered. 

"We've been good." He sent a sideways grin to Keith who returned it and took another sip. "Right, babe?"

"Yeah, we've been good," he agreed and let his eyes flicker back to the dancers. Kyllen placed his hand on his knee and started pressing down slightly as if to remind him that he was still there whilst he turned and talked to his friends. After around three more songs, another guy approached the table, his leather jacket swung over his shoulder.

"Well if it isn't Keith, my favourite sexy emo."

Ignoring Kyllen's sudden grip and lifting his head to greet the newcomer, he realised it was Kyllen's brother - Andy. He laughed and raised a fist to give him a fist bump and moved closer to Kyllen to let him sit down. "Long time no see."

Kyllen possessively pulled him onto his lap and locked his arms around his waist, resting his head on his shoulder. "What brings _you_ here?" 

"Oh you know, heard some people were going to be out tonight and came to see my baby brother after three months of being ignored," Andy grinned and Keith closed his hands around Kyllen's and leant back into him. 

Andy looked exactly like Kyllen, only taller, stockier and he was a _hell_ of a lot friendlier. 

"Maybe if you didn't fucking hit on my boyfriend I wouldn't have to ignore you," Kyllen growled and Keith shifted in his lap. He really didn't want another fight to start. He had a hard enough time convincing Kyllen he wasn't cheating on him when no one had even talked to him, let alone when they were _flirting_ with him. 

He looked at Andy with wide eyes and a subtle shake of the head, hoping he would get the message and drop it. Thankfully, someone was on his side.

"Come on, Kell." He gave Keith a small, understanding smile. "Like hell I'm going to steal him. He's too good for me, and I have a girlfriend anyway."

"The fuck," Kyllen choked on his drink and Keith took the glass from his hand and placed it back on the table. "Who?"

"You 'member Monica?" he took a swig of his drink and Kyllen nodded. "Finally tied her down. She's a stubborn one but she's great."

Keith smiled at Andy and raised his own glass. When the others followed suit, they all toasted to Andy and Monica, questioning him about their relationship afterwards. Monica was amazing. And he knew Andy would treat her right. He had been pining for her for three years now and it was painful to watch a twenty-five-year-old man cry over a small heart she had doodled on a napkin at a cafe before she left.

He only half paid attention, distracted by the sudden change in music and the loud screeches that came from the dancefloor. He pushed further into Kyllen and rolled his head back to rest against his chest as he lazily watched the dancers, feeling slightly flustered from the heat of the club. Kyllen didn't seem to mind and ran his fingers through his hair but still kept a firm grip on his waist. One of the guys went to order more drinks.

He allowed his eyes to roam over the different people. Some were bouncing and screaming along to the lyrics and some were simply grinding against their partners or making out. There was one person who stood out though. He was wearing skinny jeans and a hoodie but  _damn_ he could move. 

It was a mixture of random movements and synchronised steps with the tempo. Keith took a drink.

 _This is my Coup D’e Tat_  - he grabbed someone close by, a short girl who was holding her drink above her head and singing along to the song (G-Dragon?), and spun her into his arms and dipped her so her short hair brushed the floor. She laughed and pushed away from him. Kyllen's fingers traced patterns into the sensitive spot on his hip. Another drink.

 _Hand's up get high_  - the dancer raised his arms and dropped his hips, rolling them suggestively whilst he bent his arms behind his head. Keith wasn't sure if he was merely taking the piss out of the lyrics but he was definitely doing a great fucking job on the dancing part. It wasn't fair how someone could be  _that_ fucking hot whilst not even trying. Kyllen had told him he looked like a nodding dog when simply moving his head to the beat.

This guy, though, he didn't even have to listen to the music to match the tempo. Keith saw how he closed his eyes and mouthed the words with a small smirk on his face. The girl from earlier shouted something in his ear and he flashed her a smirk before unzipped his hoodie to reveal smooth, tanned skin. He ran his hand down his stomach and laughed when the girl slapped him. Okay, so that was him taking the piss...but...

_Did it just get hotter in here?_

He continued watching. Kyllen's fingers in his hair and the dancer before him lulled him into a peaceful, hot and bothered state despite the obnoxious screams and thumping of music. His dance moves were simple but flawless and he admitted he was slightly jealous. Kyllen never let him dance. The guy stole his friend's drink and finished it off before giving in and singing along with her and bouncing on the spot. How could they bounce to this song and make it look...good? He didn't quite understand what was happening but he wasn't complaining. Neither was the mini-him in his pants.

He knew he should look away.

Another drink found its way to his lips.

Something about the guy and his friend seemed familiar. Something about the way the girl's glasses reflected the strobe lights and illuminated the green lines she had painted on her face. Something about the way the guy's chocolate brown hair fell over his face messily as he danced, seductively yet humorously, and pulled his friend in for quick spins and dips. Something about the way his dark blue eyes finally lifted. Something about the way Keith's heart stopped once they made eye contact. 

Shit! Look awa-

"Akira?" Kyllen pinched his hips and he jumped, immediately turning his head to face him.

Don't think about him.

"Sorry, I was falling asleep," he said and smiled nervously at his boyfriend.

"Falling asleep?" 

"Yeah, must be the alcohol." He placed a quick kiss on Kyllen's lips. He laughed as Kyllen pulled him closer, deepening the kiss with a lick on Keith's bottom lip. They ignored the jeers of the others at the table and Kyllen flipped them off as Keith awkwardly turned in his lap to straddle him. 

Kyllen's tongue slid into his mouth and he whimpered slightly as the tongue piercing glided over the roof of his mouth. He was still tracing patterns into Keith's hip and the friction in their jeans was not helping Keith's situation. And Lance was still -

Fuck. 

He eventually pulled away and kissed Kyllen's cheek, loving the way he grabbed his ass as if begging him not to leave. "I'm just going to the bathroom, I'll be back shortly."

"I'll give you five minutes." He set an alarm. "Go on."

Keith nodded before pushing past Andy who had stood to let him out. He smiled gratefully and made his way to the bathroom, taking a deep breath once he was there, and washed his face with cold water. He awkwardly adjusted his jeans and stared at himself in the mirror. 

"Alright, get yourself together," he said. "You need to prove to Kyllen that he has all of your attention."

He messed with his fringe before puffing out his cheeks. 

" _Even if he doesn't_ ," he added under his breath. 

Taking a final look in the mirror, he decided he looked presentable enough and made his way back to the dancefloor, unsure and wary of how much time had passed. 

"Keith?"

Of _course_  he had to walk into Lance. He cursed and looked up at him with a shy smile. "Hey."

Okay, you got this.

"What's a loner like you doing here?" he smirked but something in his voice told Keith he already knew. After all, he had been sitting on Kyllen's lap and Keith was 90% sure he had seen him shove his tongue down his throat. 

"Oh, you know. Catching up with some old friends." He shrugged and cast his eyes to where Kyllen was sat, talking to one of the guys. Thankfully, he wasn't facing in their direction.

"Hmm,  _friends_ ," Lance teased and Keith narrowed his eyes. Oh, if only he knew. 

"Look, I can't keep them waiting too long," he excused himself and refused to acknowledge the swoon he did when Lance chuckled as he accidentally walked into him again, his balance fucked from the alcohol. How many had he had now? Five, seven, ten? 

Oh fuck -

He hastily removed Lance's hands from his waist and swallowed the lump in his throat. Noticing the blue markings on Lance's face, he smiled slightly as he reached up to run a thumb just underneath his eye. Lance was slightly shorter than Kyllen and he loved that.

He could easily tilt his head if Lance leant down and kiss him without having to partially climb up him like he had to with Kyllen. Wait...

Fucking walk away Keith.

He wiped the paint on Lance's hoodie to hide any evidence that he touched someone other than Kyllen and froze when he caught Andy's eye.

"You alright, Mullet?" Lance asked after coughing but he was too focused on Andy to reply. He widened his eyes, urging Keith to hurry up. _Shit_ , the timer. "Keith, I-"

"Yeah, look, I have to go," he said and pushed past him before turning back around. "And please don't approach me tonight. It's important.  _Please_."

Lance must have noticed the desperation in his voice because he only frowned before nodding and waving him goodbye. He sighed heavily and quickened his pace to reach his table. The timer was on three seconds by the time he got back and he forcefully pushed himself onto Kyllen and kissed him in hopes of distracting him from his almost lateness. And also distract himself from imagining kissing Lance.

"Miss me that much?" Kyllen teased and tugged at his crop top.

"Can't stand not being around you," he flirted back and inwardly thanked Andy as he turned off the alarm and moved to order more drinks. He pulled Kyllen in for another kiss and couldn't control the tightness in his pants and the shiver that ran down his spine when Kyllen stroked his thighs and dug his fingers into his skin, dragging his bottom lip with his teeth. 

"Alright, you two," one of the guys - Josh - laughed and threw a scrunched up piece of tissue at Kyllen. "Go get a room."

"If you insist," Kyllen smirked and dragged him from the table as the others rolled their eyes and bid them goodbye. He mouthed an 'it's okay' to Andy when they shared a glance. He nodded before heading back to the table, sending another concerned look over his shoulder. Keith's eyes met Lance's across the room as Kyllen pulled him in for another kiss but forced himself to look away.

 

He had no idea how they got home. 

He had no idea why he was so affected by Lance's dancing. It was  _just_ dancing.

But he was _fucking_ _hot_ -

 _Focus_ Keith -

"Kyllen," he muttered. Fingers trailed down his torso and caressed the inside of his thighs. His hands twisted in the sheets as he buried his face in the pillows.

Kyllen's only response was to increase his speed and grab his hips. Keith let out a shuddered breath as he lost himself in the bliss of the alcohol and Kyllen's pleasure.

"You looked so fucking hot tonight," Kyllen said, leaning closer to his ear. "I'm surprised I kept my hands off you for this long."

He shivered, gripped the sheets tighter and moaned as Kyllen twisted him around and forced his wrists above his head. He focused on the ceiling and bit his bottom lip as Kyllen sucked on his neck, still keeping the pace level. God, he loved this. 

What he didn't expect though, was the image of Lance hovering above him with blue accentuating his features the moment before his vision turned white and he came all over his and Kyllen's chests. 

He swore it was an accident. He swore it was the alcohol messing with his head and the medication. He swore it. 

Another image of Lance panting heavily above him flashed in his mind as Kyllen finished riding out his climax and dropped to catch his lips in a passionate kiss. But Keith couldn't kiss back properly as he stared at the ceiling with wide eyes, half paralyzed.

Fuck.

 

\-----------------

 

"Do you always laugh for no reason?"

Keith jumped and spun round to face Lance. He was standing with an amused expression and leaning back on one leg. He brushed a strand of his hair behind his ear and ducked his head.

Just the alcohol...

"I was just reading something." He locked his phone before placing it in his pocket. He closed his locker and pulled his backpack onto one shoulder. 

"I wanted to ask, are you okay?" Lance hummed as he opened his own locker on the opposite side of the corridor.

"On a scale of I'm fine or I'm completely drowning in an abyss of eternal darkness, how do you want me to answer that?" he mumbled but Lance heard him and raised an eyebrow.

"Dark humour?"

"Yeah..." Keith sent him a small smile and adjusted the strap of his backpack over his shoulder. 

"Okay, so," Lance said and tilted his head, "On a _serious_ note, how are you?" 

"I'm fine." He waved him off. Lance was still sceptical. 

"Are you-"

"Why would you care?" he snapped and then sunk backwards. His eyes widened and he gripped the sleeve of his hoodie as Lance stared at him, his mouth open slightly. "I'm sorry...just, please, drop it."

"Okay." Lance finally pulled out his Astrophysics folder and closed his locker. "Shall we head to class then?"

 Keith mentally screamed. Why was Lance everywhere he went? 

"Yeah, let's go."

 

 

Once Sendak had started the lesson, Lance cast a sideways glance towards Keith who was staring out of the window. He was leaning on his palm whilst his other hand was fiddling with the ends of his jumper. 

"Mr Kogane, you  _will_ pay attention in my class," Sendak shouted but Keith continued looking out of the window.

"28," he said. 

"Excuse me?"

"The answer to the question on the board is 28." Keith rolled his eyes and the teacher huffed. He checked the answer, adjusted his tie and scowled. Lance smirked.

Sendak continued the lesson and he turned to Keith.

"So, you're an Astrophysics genius, huh? Not even having to read the question before knowing the answer," he teased and glanced over his shoulder to make sure Sendak wasn't looking.

"It was just a guess," he muttered, never once taking his eyes away from the window. 

Lance's shoulders slumped slightly and he leant back into his sat and picked up his pen. He scribbled down some notes and kept taking subtle glances at Keith until the end of class. He never once took notes or moved his head from the window. Lance wasn't stupid. Something was playing on Keith's mind, and he was either going to find out what it was or distract him...

At the end of the lesson, of course.

 

"Class dismissed," Sendak announced and the whole class immediately evacuated like a colony of bats fleeing from a torchlight. Lance would have been in with that crowd if he hadn't waved Pidge off and said he'd message her later.

"Keith," he called softly and Keith turned his head to him, processing what was happening. 

"Coming," he replied and grabbed his bag and folder. "Do you have a break now?"

"Yeah, my next class is at half past one."

The two walked in silence to their lockers. 

"Do you want to...maybe, grab a coffee or something?" Keith distracted himself by putting his folder in his locker. Lance grinned. Finally, he was getting somewhere.

"I know a good place," he responded and leant against the lockers, waiting for Keith to finally look at him. "I'll pay."

"Wha- no. It's okay, I can pay for my own..."

"Keith, it's only a cup of coffee, it's fine. My treat." 

"Okay..." Keith tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. He scrunched his nose and pulled his hoodie over his hands before pushing them up to his elbows and gripping his backpack. 

Lance smirked and pushed off the lockers, leading the way down the stairs to the first floor. They walked side by side along the narrow paths to the notorious coffee shop of The Galaxy District. Their shoulders bumped together every now and again and Keith almost fell into a ditch, but they managed to arrive at Altea safely. Keith chose a booth close to the door and slid into it. He pulled off his jacket and gazed out of the window as he pushed the jacket onto the seat beside him.

"Oi, Kogane," Lance called for the third time. Keith noticed he had already folded his jacket neatly and was standing at the end of the table. "What's your order?"

"Just a plain caramel latte, please," he smiled and Lance nodded before leaving. 

Keith returned his gaze to the window. He sighed and pressed a hand to the glass, feeling nothing but cold despite the weather being its highest temperature so far that year.

 

"I don't want to fight with the window for your attention."

Lance chuckled as Keith hastily pulled his hand away. 

"Thank you," he said and took his coffee from Lance as he slid into the opposite side of the booth. He welcomed the warmth gratefully and sighed. "What did you get?"

"Black with two sugars, a teaspoon of cinnamon and a ton of whipped cream." 

"I'm pretty sure that defeats the purpose of getting a black coffee." He chuckled and Lance shrugged.

"It's called being adventurous, you should try it some time."

Keith hummed and sipped his coffee. Lance watched as he traced the rim with his fingers and thought back to the other week at the bar. How scared Keith had been when he was talking to him, constantly looking over his shoulder to check something. How Keith had practically forced himself on that guy and another had picked up a phone and visibly sighed when he returned...

He puffed his cheeks out and called Keith's name to get his attention. "How's the Garrison treating you?"

"It's okay, I guess. I'm passing all my classes." He fumbled with his jumper sleeves and scrunched his nose. Lance smiled to himself. Kitten. "What's your favourite memory?" 

Lance stuttered over his words and eventually fell silent as he tried to choose just one. A strange question, especially coming from Keith but hey, the boy asked so he's going to get an answer.

"I think it would have to be one of mama..." he smiled. "She used to sing to me when I was little, mainly when I had a nightmare. I shared a room with my two brothers and always woke them up through screaming so mama would turn the lights on and sing to us while we danced on our beds. She would teach us how to tango when it was really bad and one night I fell off my bed and just cried with laughter until I felt better. Her voice was so beautiful. Every time without fail, she managed to calm me down."

Keith's expression softened slightly and he hung his head and swallowed. Tucking the persistent strand of hair behind his ear, he brought his cup to his mouth to hide his tears. "She sounds like a wonderful woman."

Lance smiled softly. "She is. I'll introduce you one day. She'd love you."

"What? Oh no, it's alright-"

"I don't mean right now," Lance chuckled and Keith blushed. He pouted slightly and turned his head to the window. This time, Lance didn't stop him.

He let his eyes follow the frame of his features. The unusually purple eyes, the small frown, the freckles decorating his cheeks. He smiled softly at the way Keith scrunched his nose slightly and bit his bottom lip, picking at the coffee cup absentmindedly.

"Eres tan Hermosa," he muttered just quiet enough for it to miss Keith's ears - not that he would have understood anyway. Fifteen minutes passed before he spoke again, hating to distract Keith from his own little world when he looked so peaceful. "We should get going if we want to get to lesson on time."

"Yeah, let's go." Keith pulled on his jacket as Lance threw their cups in the bin and grabbed his own jacket. He held the door open for Keith and fell into step with him immediately.

Lance nudged his shoulder, looking ahead so Keith couldn't see his blush. "You didn't tell me one of your favourite memories."

"I'll tell you when I have one worth remembering that much."

"I'll give you a few to add to the non-existent list." He grinned and Keith smirked.

"Good luck with that, pretty boy."

 

 


	4. Roommates and Guests

Hunk pressed a gentle kiss to Shay's temple. He took the piece of paper from her hand and purposefully held it away from her as she tried to grab it again. "Time for a break, you're turning into Pidge when she doesn't have coffee."

They had spent the entire night studying after Shay begged Hunk to help her improve her D to an A - though it didn't really take much convincing because Hunk was too nice to say no to almost anything. Hunk thought they had managed to get at least five hours sleep and waking up with Shay beside him, softly snoring with drool dribbling from her mouth, was definitely number one on his list of favourite things. 

"I have to finish it," she protested and reached for the paper again. However, Hunk's bed sunk underneath her hand so she toppled forward and only brushed the paper with her fingertips. "Come on, Hunk. Give it back."

"Nu-uh." Hunk grinned. He loved the way Shay pouted and leant further away from her as she lunged once again. "You need to stop stressing so much."

Hunk was a hopeless romantic, he knew that. He had never been with anyone before Shay, having convinced himself he would one day find true love. He always believed that when the time was right, the Universe would send him a beautiful angel who loved his cooking, his teddy-bear personality, and his mindless rambles. Someone who was his perfect match. His soulmate. But he soon lost hope that he would actually find someone when everyone else in his class started getting into relationships.

"I  _need_ to finish this paper," Shay whined and pulled a face at Hunk that made her look like a temperamental three-year-old.

And then along came Shay.

Shay reached for the paper again and yelled when her wrist gave way beneath her and she fell on top of him. With the impact, he dropped the paper and laughed as he and Shay knocked half of his pillows to the floor. Shay groaned and headbutted his chest, spreading over him like a starfish. He brought a hand up to ruffle her short hair.

"Come on, sunshine." He pushed himself up on his elbows and shook his head fondly when Shay didn't move. Taking a deep breath, he nudged her with his leg. "Hey, I want to tell you something."

Shay hummed and finally lifted her head to rest her chin on her arms after moving to lie less awkwardly on Hunk. They had been dating for two years now, and he still managed to make her stomach flip when he looked down at her with the affectionate smile he reserved for her only. 

Now or never, Hunk.

"I love you."

...

"I love you too." Shay grinned and Hunk let out a breath that sounded like a mixture of relief and excitement. 

"Oh, I'm so glad you said it back because that would have been really awkward and I probably would have cried because I just love you so much and I was scared that you didn't feel the same and-"

"Oh my god, shut  _up!_ " Shay laughed and pulled him in for a kiss. They both grinned into the kiss and Hunk placed a hand on the back of Shay's head to deepen it.

"WHOOPS! SORRY! SORRY!" 

Lance threw his hands up and pulled his hoodie over his face. He turned to leave the room but ended up walking into the wall and groaned as he rolled across it to find the door. Once he had left and slammed the door shut behind him, another crash and a cry of pain came from the hallway.

The two broke apart and Shay shoved her head under the covers whilst Hunk groaned and shouted Lance's name. He laughed awkwardly and then pulled the cover from his lover's face.

"He just had to ruin it didn't he," Shay muttered and tried to hide her smile by pulling the cover back. 

"That's Lance for you." He ran a hand down his face but his voice was soft. "Always ruining the moment." 

"LONELY! I AM SO LONELY! I HAVE NOBODY OF MY OWN!" Lance's voice echoed through the apartment and Hunk and Shay shared a silent moment before bursting into laughter. 

Hunk kissed her once again and climbed off his bed. "What time is it?"

Checking her phone, she informed Hunk it was ten past 9 and rolled onto her back as he groaned and left the room. 

"Lance, why did you come in so early, man?"

"I didn't know that you were going to fuck!"

"We weren't - LANCE!"

Shay smiled to herself, rolled out of the bed, grabbed her jacket and opened her messages. She followed the voices to the kitchen and laughed when she saw Lance being scolded for dipping his finger in the trifle they had made last night. 

"Hey, I have to go home now. Grandma needs milk," she said and gave Hunk a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'll come back for the papers tonight."

"Drive safely!" he beamed, thrilled that his girlfriend was finally taking a break. He walked her to the door and groaned when he came back to find Lance digging into the trifle. "At least you're using a spoon this time."

Lance only grinned, thankfully with his mouth closed, and continued eating. "So..."

"So."

"Shay slept over last night."

"She did."

Lance wiggled his eyebrows. "How was she?"

"Lance, no." Hunk choked.

"I bet she did that last night as well, didn't she?" he smirked and laughed as Hunk threw a banana at him from the fruit bowl on the side. Convenient. He caught it, peeled it, and slowly licked it from the bottom to the top.

"Lance, stop." He ignored him and continued licking the banana whilst making direct eye contact, though Hunk kept diverting his focus. Lance called his name and then shoved the entire thing into his mouth when he looked and he was mildly surprised but mostly disgusted. "Oh come on, that's just nasty! Don't ruin food for me!" 

"I bet she was like-" Lance smirked as he took the banana out of his mouth. "Oh, Hunk. My _Hunk_. You're so big," he moaned a little and then licked the banana again. 

"I'm leaving!" Hunk cried and covered his eyes with his hands. Lance laughed and bit half of the banana, finally deciding to eat it like a civilised person. 

After he had finished his banana, he dropped on the sofa beside Hunk who was watching a cooking show. "All I can see is you and that fucking banana."

Lance chuckled and patted his knee. "You're welcome. Hey, we should do something this weekend. Me, you, and Pidge. And you can bring Shay if you want."

"Hmm, sounds good," Hunk replied and changed the channel. "What were you thinking about doing?"

"Not sure yet." Lance rested his head against the back of the sofa and lazily watched the TV. 

"Look what I found!" Lance screamed as he dragged Keith over to the table Hunk and Pidge were occupying, both scribbling into a notebook. He pushed Keith into the booth despite his protests and trapped him by sitting on the only side he could get out. And there was no way Keith was going to climb over him. No, that would end very badly indeed. 

Someone save him.

"Keith, Hunk. Hunk, Keith. Keith, Gremlin. Gremlin, Keith."

"Hey, Keith." Hunk smiled politely and Keith was about to reply when something flew across the table and cut him off. 

"Say that again, you little  _shit_ ," Pidge growled and Lance laughed as he dodged the empty coffee cup.

"Love you too, Pidgey!" He grinned and Pidge rolled her eyes before turning to Keith.

"Nice to meet you, again." 

"Uh, hi." Keith nodded and Lance laughed once again. 

"Hmm, so I was wondering if you wanted to come over on Friday and-"

"Fuck yes!" Pidge shouted and Keith flinched. "I'm in! What about you, Keith?"

"What? Me?" He shook his head and pulled his sleeves over his hands. "No, I'm good."

Lance pouted. "You don't even know what I have planned!"

"I already have plans."

" _Sure_ you do."

"Lance, leave the boy alone." Hunk sighed and rolled his eyes when Lance stuck his tongue out at him. "We're just having a little get together, maybe have a movie marathon or something because none of us have any money and, to be honest, it would be nice to just relax."

"Aha yes!" Pidge cheered and pulled out her phone to send a quick message. "Can I stop over?"

"Of course!" Lance replied just as enthusiastically and then poked Keith's shoulder. He frowned when Keith flinched for the second time since he sat down but pushed the worry to the back of his mind. "If your  _plans fall through_ , text me. You're still invited."

He scribbled down a number on a napkin and drew a goofy face with finger guns and Keith took it hesitantly. "Why do you want me there anyway?"

"Because you're my friend and it would be nice if you got to know us a bit more and the same for us." He shrugged and stole Hunk's milkshake. "Plus, you look like you need to relax a little. I bet you haven't had a good night for years."

"I have good nights," Keith said but trailed off. Thinking about it, since dating Kyllen he hadn't ever done something he wanted to do on a night. Maybe he could ask Kyllen if they could have a movie marathon tonight. That was sure to relieve some stress.

Keith almost missed half the conversation as the topic shifted and Pidge started ranting about 'a fucking gorgeous species of human' she had met online. He felt familiarly left out yet content to just be sat with them. And even though he didn't contribute to the conversation much or understand half of the childhood memories, the smiles and occasional glances the others gave him made him feel acknowledged and a part of their friendship circle - triangle? 

"What's a triangle?" Pidge asked and Keith snapped his head up, mentally scolding himself for muttering to himself again. 

"A shape with three sides and angles that add up to 180. Come on, Pidge, I thought you were a genius." Lance smirked and Pidge scoffed and threw a pen at him.

"Uh, I'm trying to figure out whether you have a friendship circle or a friendship triangle." There was no point lying.

"Well it's neither," Lance confirmed and threw an arm around Keith. He could feel his strawberry scented breath on his cheek and couldn't help the heat crawling up his neck. Would he taste like strawberry too? SHIT KEITH, _get it together!_

"Well, what is it then?" He asked, relieved when his voice came out normal. 

"A friendship _square_ because there's four of us."

He didn't know what to say. Instead, he rolled his eyes and pushed Lance away slightly. Lance thought it was because he didn't like him touching him. But in reality, Keith loved Lance touching him. And that was the problem. 

A big fucking problem.

"That's going to end up with some pretty messy love triangle-squares." Pidge laughed and Hunk seemed to panic, shouting 'NO!' repeatedly. Keith didn't know what was happening until he saw Lance's devious smirk.

He leant forward on his elbows and spared Hunk a smug glance before speaking. "Guess what I caught Hunk and Shay doing this morning."

"NO FUCKING WAY!" Pidge shouted and earned a few glares from nearby students. She simply flipped them off and then proceeded to whack Hunk with her notebook. "You nasty motherfucker."

"We didn't do  _anything_! God  _damn_ it, Lance!" he whined and Keith let out a small chuckle before slapping his hand over his mouth when the three snapped their heads toward him. 

"What?" he mumbled and shifted uncomfortably.

"That was so fucking adorable!"

"I didn't know you were capable of laughing."

"You have a feather in your hair."

Keith rushed to run a hand through his hair and remove the feather and rolled his eyes, trying to hide his embarrassment but his blush gave him away immediately. 

The others returned to their conversation and he was amazed at how many times Pidge could swear in one sentence without it sounding disgusting. To say he was impressed would be an understatement. He pulled out his phone and stared at the napkin with Lance's number on it as he clicked on a message from Kyllen. Pushing the napkin deeper into his pocket, he set an alarm to remind him to leave it by the tree before he went home.

For now, he would just enjoy his coffee.

 

**\---------**

 

Keith sighed as he kicked off his shoes and threw his bag to the floor. He pulled off his jacket and hung it by the door, pulling out his headphones and shoving his phone into his coat pocket.

"Akira? Is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me." When he turned into the living room, he was greeted by Kyllen pulling him in for a hug and leaning down to kiss him.

"How was your day?"

"It was good." He yawned kissed him again. "How was yours?"

"Boring. Work was slower than usual today."

Keith hummed and tucked his legs underneath him as he sat on the sofa. "Do you want to watch a movie? I'm in the mood for pizza, cuddling and forehead kisses."

Kyllen laughed and rolled his eyes playfully. "Fine, but I get to choose the pizza. Go pick a movie."

He grinned, jumping up from the sofa and pressing a quick kiss to Kyllen's cheek before running to their room. He scanned through the DVDs and picked out one of his favourites.

"Pizza is on its way. What movie did you choose?" Kyllen smiled and scoffed at his choice. "I'm doing this because I love you, remember that."

"Yeah yeah, I love you too." Keith laughed and inserted the DVD. He jumped as something fell on top of him but raised an eyebrow at Kyllen when he realised it was an oversized hoodie. "What's this for?"

"That's the jumper you wear when you feel like you do now, isn't it? That tired, done with the world, shut everything out kind of feeling."

"You noticed that?" Keith smiled and pulled off his shirt, replacing it with the hoodie. 

"Of course," Kyllen ran a finger underneath Keith's jaw and tilted his head to catch him in a kiss. "You look fucking adorable when you wear it. How could I _not_ notice?"

 

Once they had finished eating the pizza, Kyllen knocked him to the floor and laughed as he scowled. 

"You look so cute like that." His laughter only grew louder when Keith huffed and blew out his cheeks. He moved so that he was lying down and opened his arms. "Come here, baby."

Keith scowled once more before sighing and crawling into his arms. He wrapped his own around Kyllen's torso and squished his cheek against his chest. "Just press play."

Kyllen listened to him and soon a different movie was playing. Keith smiled as Kyllen pressed a soft kiss to his forehead and tangled his fingers in his hair. He wrapped his legs between Kyllen's and let himself relax as the film played.

He was too preoccupied enjoying being cuddled to focus on the film so when Kyllen spoke, he blinked a few times before he pushed himself up and tilted his head. 

"She's like you. Hopping from table to table, from bed to bed," Kyllen said with a small smile on his face. He didn't look away from the TV and Keith furrowed his eyebrows. 

"What? I don't hop from table to table,  _or_ bed to bed."

"Hmm, sure you don't."

"What are you trying to say?" He nudged Kyllen slightly so he would look at him. 

"I'm not  _trying_ to say anything," he replied with a neutral expression. "I'm just pointing out the fact that you two are similar."

Keith frowned and backed away. 

"Are you calling me a slut?"

"Babe," he said and placed a hand on Keith's cheek, stroking it with his thumb. "Come on, let's finish the film."

Keith allowed himself to be pulled back onto the sofa but he didn't let himself relax. He fixed his eyes on the TV but didn't process anything, too distracted by the fingers in his hair that didn't feel so comforting anymore. He thought about Lance. _Nothing new there_. He was probably laughing with his friends over something stupid or sharing old memories over milkshakes. Maybe he was with his mother or on the phone to her. He wondered what it would feel like to have friends. To not have to stick with the same person all the time, second-guessing yourself and feeling like shit every day. He wondered what it would feel like to simply have a family.

When the film finished, Kyllen hummed a tune and pulled him up to meet his face. "Hey, baby."

"Hey."

"Are you okay?"

"'m fine." 

Kyllen kissed him and he responded as usual. When he tried to pull away, however, Kyllen didn't let him. 

"I need to stretch my legs," Keith said, breaking the kiss. He walked to the back of the sofa and ignored the way Kyllen watched his every movement as he stretched his arms above his head and his jumper lifted to reveal the bottom of his underwear.

He took a step back as Kyllen approached, only to be followed like he was imitating his every move. He continued to move away until his back was pressed against the wall and Kyllen was hovering over him, an arm trapping him. He lifted Keith's chin with a finger and held eye contact.

"Kyllen," Keith protested but was cut off as Kyllen smashed his lips on his; he couldn't help but kiss back, the familiar sense of ecstasy running through his veins. Kyllen brought his hand up to pull his hair and he whimpered slightly before pushing him away.

It made no difference to Kyllen's desire though as he grabbed his arms and pinned his wrists above his head. He pressed his leg between his thighs and pushed him harder against the wall, kissing him again. Keith squirmed under his body and gasped for breath when he moved on to kiss his neck. 

"Kyllen, stop. I'm not in the mood," he said but Kyllen only kissed him harder, forcing his tongue into his mouth. He bit Keith's lip and pulled it away as he moved back before moving to kiss his jaw. "Kyllen, let go."

Keith tried to free his wrists but it was in vain. Kyllen gripped them harder, pinning them with one hand and trailed the other down his body. He lifted up the bottom of his jumper and traced his way to the waistband of his boxers. 

"Kyllen, stop," Keith said, firmer this time and Kyllen paused. 

"Why? I thought you liked this?" came his reply before he stuck his hands down his boxers and stroked his tip. 

Keith didn't react to the pleasure as he usually did. He squirmed again and twisted his hips in an attempt to stop Kyllen from touching him. "I'm just not in the mood tonight."

Kyllen continued to stroke him and he suppressed a whimper as he closed his eyes and bit his lip. He felt lips brushing against his neck as Kyllen spoke again.

"I thought you loved me."

"I do love you-"

"Then why are being a little shit about this?"

"I'm just not in the mood, please. Stop!" Keith tried to push him away. "I don't want this."

"You clearly don't love me then," Kyllen growled, his lip curling as he brought his face to Keith's and squeezed his dick, holding it firmly in his hand. Keith cried out in pain. "So come on, who is it?"

"Who is what?" Keith barely managed to form his words.

"Who is the fucker you're fucking behind my back? Is it one of those guys you were sat with today? Or maybe it's the girl with the glasses?" Kyllen sneered. "But wait. You're a fag so it can't be her, right?"

"Kyllen, please," he cried and Kyllen laughed as a few tears fell down his face.

"Look at you. You're pathetic." He released him and forcibly wiped his hand on his hoodie. "Tell me who the fuck that guy is you were sat with today."

"What? Are you _spying_ on me now? Or did you get one of your friends to follow me around like before?" Keith shouted. "I thought you trusted me!"

"You know what people think of you, Akira, yet you always fall for the same thing over and over again."

"They're not like your friends-"

"My friends know you." Kyllen pushed him and curled his lip. "They know you're just a slut who fucks people for a place to stay. You tried it with Josh didn't you?"

"No, of course I didn't!" Keith pushed back, his fists clenched. "You _know_ Josh made that up!"

Kyllen laughed. "After everything I've done for you, you should be grateful. Without me, you'd be dead - or did you forget that? Instead, you're acting like a toddler and throwing a tantrum because I kissed you. Well, _guess what_ , I'm your _boyfriend_. I _get_ to kiss you. Who else is going to love you? You're lucky I've stayed around this long."

"This isn't love-"

"No, this isn't love," Kyllen growled. "You just take me for granted and make me feel like shit every single day. I've done so much for you but I bet you wouldn't even care if I killed myself."

"That's not fucking fair. You know that isn't true-" Keith recoiled, pressing his back further against the wall. His breathing quickened and he tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

"No, save it, Akira. I don't want your fucking apology. All I ever wanted was to make you happy and now look what you've done. I shouldn't have ever saved you from that bridge."

He choked on a sob and slid down the wall as Kyllen stormed out of the room and slammed the bedroom door. He wrapped his arms around his stomach and brought his knees to his chest, feeling completely and utterly worthless. How did this turn on him so suddenly? Kyllen was in the wrong, right? 

He clenched his fists in the fabric of his jumper and held back violent tears.

No, Kyllen was right.

He should have never saved him from the bridge.

 

\----------------------

 

"MATT I SWEAR ON YOUR FUTURE CHILDREN'S LIVES THAT IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR ASS HERE IN TWO MINUTES I WILL SMASH YOUR ENTIRE FIGURINE COLLECTION!"

"YOU WOULDN'T DARE!" 

"OH, I WOULD!"

Matt screamed and stumbled down the stairs, still halfway through putting his jeans on, to find Pidge standing by the door with his limited edition Pikachu collectable.

"Put Pikachu down." He held out his hands and slowly walked to her. "Be a nice Gremlin and put Pikachu down."

Pidge scowled at him and brought the Gas Torch Lighter to Pikachu's face. "Call me Gremlin again and Pikachu gets it."

"Alright, alright, Wednesday Addams." Sam chuckled as he emerged from the living room and plucked the welding torch from Pidge's hands. "Stop threatening to ruin your brother's dolls. We don't want another nerd breakdown."

"EXCUSE ME!" Matt cried and dramatically placed a hand on his chest. "They are not _dolls_ , they are _collectables_! And you two are just as big of nerds as I am so you can't say _anything_!"

"Anything," Sam and Pidge said and Matt groaned. 

"I hate both of you."

"We love you too." Sam laughed and patted him on the back. "I want you both back by 9 and no getting arrested. I don't have time to bail you out of jail again."

"Yes sir." Pidge saluted.

"You got it, dude!" Matt grinned and dodged the smack Sam aimed for the back of his head. 

"You're breaking the meme rule! 6 a day, Mister."

Matt rolled his eyes and took the keys from his father. "Yeah, yeah, I know. You're no fun."

Sam shook his head fondly as he waved them off.

 

Matt climbed into the driver's seat and slotted the key into the ignition, cheering before setting off so abruptly that he smashed Sam's favourite flower pot. "Shit..."

"Get out of the driver's seat."

"But-"

"Now!"

They both switched sides so that no more of their father's prized flowers were destroyed. 

"Keys." Matt sulked as he passed Pidge the keys and they were on our way. 

It was a short journey from their house to Hunk and Lance's apartment but they still somehow managed to play the same song ten times in a row. Pidge grinned as she sang along with Matt and laughed as he started dramatically acting out the song. Thr apartment came into view and, eager to see Lance and Hunk, she instantaneously pulled up on the side of the road, knocking down a titan ornament in the process.

...

"Better the creepy ass titan than Dad's flowers?" she whispered, staring at the fallen ornament.

"Better the creepy ass titan than Dad's flowers," Matt agreed and they shared a look.

He smirked as he carefully exited the car, closed the passenger door and stuck his tongue out. Pidge rushed to open her door only to find Matt had somehow locked it. Matt only laughed and sauntered over to the door. He was a few feet away when Pidge's impatient attempts at shouldering the door down failed so she climbed over to the passenger side and sprinted toward him. He had already pressed the doorbell and was patiently waiting for someone to open the door when Pidge shoved him into the boxwood bush under the window. He spluttered as Lance unlocked the door.

Lance, however, didn't smile. Instead, he stepped aside as an invitation for Pidge to enter, not even noticing that Matt was sticking out of the bush like a squashed stick insect. On behalf of her stubborn side, Pidge remained where she was, folding her arms and raising an eyebrow at him. Her chest was rapidly rising and falling due to the impetuous arrival, and from fighting with Matt.

"Let me kiss him already!" Matt whispered from the Bush, earning an eye roll from Pidge. She looked back at Lance and tilted her head to the side.

"Do I not get a hello, fuck nut?"

"Uh, hi."

"I meant," she started, stepping towards him and pulling him forward by his jacket. "A Holt greeting."

She wrapped her arms around his waist and laughed then flipped him over so he was lying on the floor. Lance groaned as she laughed, sitting on his stomach so he couldn't escape. "Fuck, Pidge."

"No! Fuck me!" Matt groaned and Pidge pulled Lance inside the house, closing the door behind them, sending a middle finger behind her back.

"I won't ask any questions, but I'm here if you wanna rant," she said as she dragged him to the sofa. Lance pulled his knees to his chest and rested his chin on them. Pidge sat beside him, making sure to touch Lance's leg with her foot as some kind of supportive contact. Lance needed affection right now. He needed to be grounded. "Where's Hunk?"

"Out." 

Pidge nodded and kept her mouth shut. He just needed someone to be there.

...

"I came out to my parents..." he whispered, unmoving, breaking the illustrious silence.

"Oh?" she questioned, feeling him shudder slightly as he took a deep breath.

"They didn't take it too well." He shook his head. "Mama said she supports me no matter what...but, my dad...he got mad. He started shouting and calling me a fag and-"

"Shh, it's okay Lance. I'm here." Pidge rubbed circles on his back as he choked on a sob. She bit her lip and furrowed her eyebrows.  

"I just can't make them happy! No matter how hard I try!" he cried and Pidge shushed him again, pulling him closer. "I just keep disappointing them."

"No, Lance. Don't think like that. Mama McClain loves you, and your dad just needs some time to come to terms with it. Being bisexual is not a bad thing. It's amazing and I'm so proud of you for coming out to them, okay?" She pulled his face into her palms and squished his cheeks.

"Thank you, Pidge." He sighed and closed his eyes momentarily.

"Don't worry about it, buddy. It's what friends are for." Pidge sighed as well and wiped a stray tear from Lance's face. "And Senior McClain better get his act together or else he'll have me to deal with."

Lance chuckled at that.

 

 

It was times like that when Lance felt like he belonged: surrounded by friends (in this case, Pidge), smiling and laughing. That is what mattered the most to him. Nothing in the world could ever replace the love Lance felt for his family. Without them, he didn't know what he would do. Pidge had put on a cheesy film so they could laugh at the cringy moments and when it had finished, he glanced over at her to find her flat out.

Her arms were desperately clutching a pillow that she had stolen from him halfway through the film, her hair was sprayed across the sofa, and her face was squished with a slight line of drool running from her mouth. He smirked. Quickly pulling out his phone, he focused the camera on her and took a picture. However, to his utmost despair, the ringer was at full volume and the shutter resounded through the room, causing Pidge to stir and open her eyes... 

Oh shit.

Her eyes scanned his face before falling onto the phone Lance perilously grasped in his hands and they suddenly darkened with realisation at what he had just done.

"Pidge..."

Her eyes narrowed as she rose from the sofa; the menacing aura she emitted was enough to silence any attempts at negotiation. He blinked a few times before realising that she was a few inches from his face. 

Oh fuck.

Forcefully pushing himself off the floor, he darted for the corridor with Pidge close behind. He sprinted for the bathroom, slipped into the second room where the shower was and slid down the wall. 

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfucj-

His heart skipped a beat as Pidge's footsteps echoed in the shower room. The house was a graveyard and Pidge was the Grim Reaper. Silent but deadly. Pidge stood still - listening for Lance's breathing - as he forced himself deeper into the corner.

"There is no escaping now."

Just as she was about to throttle Lance, a crash came from the bedroom, just to the left of the shower room. She turned on her heel and slithered off, allowing him a moment to breathe before he almost screamed at the sight of Matt popping his head through the bathroom window. 

"Come on! You can fit through the window!" he gestured for him to follow, which he did, even if it was reluctant. After squeezing through the window and falling into a bush, Matt pulled him to his feet and brushed him off.

"Why hello, Lance! Welcome to my home!" he beamed and gestured to the bush, adding to Lance's many layers of confusion.

"How the hell did you get through my window?" he questioned as he stared up at the distance to the window, though he was slightly afraid to hear the answer.

"Long story short, both Pidge and I came here to visit you, Pidge killed your Titan and pushed me into in the bush so I now declare it my new home!" he rearranged a few twigs before turning to him again. "Oh, and as for the window, didn't you know? I'm Spider-Matt!"

Lance didn't even bother arguing; with Matt, the truth was sometimes more dangerous than a million lies. "Hug?"

Matt closed his eyes and gave him a large smile before pulling him to his chest. He sighed slightly when Lance shivered in his hold and kissed the top of his head. When Lance finally took a step back, he brushed a tear from his cheek and ruffled his hair.

"Right, time to get the Gremlin so we can watch movies!" 

"Through the _door_! God damn it, Matt!" Lance laughed and pulled him to the front door. Matt groaned, then grinned and winked. They rang the bell and waited.

Pidge answered, glasses askew and hair messy.

"Why hello, Gremlin. I seem to be locked out." Lance smiled and walked past her, Matt in tow, both stifling their laughter at her bewildered expression.

"What the fu-"

"Ah ah ah! Pidge! No swearing in my house!" he scolded, slapping her on the back of the head.

"Fuck off, Dickhead," she muttered, pinching the top of her nose and closing her eyes. "How the hell did you get outside?"

"You forgot to mention that Matt isn't just an ordinary Matt..."

"I'm a spider-Matt!"

Pidge only facepalmed and closed the door, already ignoring them to make popcorn and choose the next film. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	5. Friends

Something was wrong.

He didn't have the slightest idea what it was, or how it came to be. But all he knew was that something was wrong with Keith.

Lance sighed and scribbled down notes, trying to ignore the obvious distress of the boy sat behind him. Keith had always kept to himself, never smiling or participating in class. Overall, he was merely guarded. However, something just  _wasn't right_. And Lance couldn't put his finger on it.

"Hey, Lance," Pidge whispered and slipped a piece of paper onto his desk. "I made a list of what I'm bringing tonight. Is there anything else?"

He unfolded the paper and read the list, pushing it under a book to hide it from Sendak. He grinned and wrote  _'skittles ;)'_ before passing the list back. "We're all set."

Pidge nodded and shoved the paper into her pocket, returning her attention to the board and resting her head on her palm. "This sucks."

Lance nodded in agreement as Sendak droned on about celestial mechanics. His voice made the students want to slam their heads on the desk and scream but that would only get them sent to the office and  _no one_  wanted to deal with Zarkon. Especially today. Rumour had it, his son stole his car and took half of his money. And Zarkon was not in the mood to put up with any shit any of them caused.

Astrophysics was something Lance had always wanted to study. As a boy, he would often sneak into his father's library and read the textbooks from his father's school years. Of course, those books had been passed down to him once he started college and he still flicked through them when he had nothing to do. He achieved top grades hoping to make his parents proud but they were more interested in when he was going to 'get himself a girlfriend'. 

Lance hated it.

Whenever he visited for the holidays he would see the disappointment in their eyes when he didn't bring a girl home. He heard the 'secret' conversations they had in the kitchen late at night arguing about his sexuality. His father didn't want a fag in the family. He 'wanted his son back'. Just last night, he had called to ask him if he had met anybody - if he had grown out of his stupid phase and grown into a man yet. Lance had made the excuse that Hunk had asked to study with him for an exam and hung up. He had turned his phone off and curled under his cover and cried until there were no more tears left and he fell asleep.

Maybe it was Lance's own emotions affecting his judgement and the nagging feeling that he hoped someone would feel as shit as him but something was definitely wrong with Keith. He couldn't stress it enough, even annoying himself with how much he was thinking about it. He would have to talk to him about it after class. After all, focusing on other people's problems rather than his own was his forte. 

 

When Sendak dismissed the class, Hell broke loose. 

It was only a matter of seconds before it happened and if Lance wasn't already turning to face him, he would have missed it. 

Keith's face  _burned_. An animalistic snarl clawed its way up his throat as he lunged, swinging and missing. He slammed Ryan into the wall. "Stay away from me." He punched him repeatedly before crying, "Stay away from me!"

"Keith!" Sendak growled and stormed over to the two boys. He yanked Keith's collar and forced Ryan back with his other hand. "What the  _hell_ do you think you're doing?"

"I have no idea, sir," Ryan said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "He just attacked me like some wild animal."

"Fuck you, Ryan.  _Fuck you_."

"Woah, what the fuck?" Pidge whispered beside Lance. She pushed her glasses further up her nose and observed Sendak ordering everyone to  _'move out of the fucking way'_ as they gathered like vultures around a carcass.

"Keith I suggest you calm down before I send to you Principle Zarkon-" Keith shoved away from him.

"What are you going to do? Call my mother? Well, guess  _what_ ," he snapped. "I don't fucking have one so  _good luck_  with that. I'm fucking done with this," he turned to glare at Ryan. "And if you ever come near me again, I'll kill you."

Lance's mouth fell open as he kicked a desk over, grabbed his bag and stormed out of the classroom. He narrowed his eyes when he saw Ryan smirking amongst the crowd and turned to leave.

"Lance, wait up!" Pidge shouted as she chased after him, pulling both of their bags over her shoulder. He didn't slow down. 

He sprinted after Keith who was halfway down the corridor and skidded to a halt in front of him.

"Fuck off, Lance," Keith growled and pushed past him.

Okay, he was kind of expecting that. He grabbed Keith's wrist and turned him to face him. 

"What's wrong?"

"What's wrong is you won't  _fucking_ leave me alone." He frowned whilst Keith tried to yank his wrist from his hold.

"Keith, I just want to help-"

"I don't want your fucking help. I don't  _need_ you. I  _don't_ want your friendship and I  _don't_ want your concern. I'm fucking fine without you so just leave me the fuck alone." Keith finally hauled his wrist free and twisted on the balls of his feet; he slammed the doors open and left the campus.  

Pidge watched as Lance's shoulders slumped and slowly made her way to stand in front of him. She offered him his bag and patted his shoulder.

"I'm sure he didn't mean it. He's just in a bad place at the moment." She smiled softly.

"I guess."

"Come on, we just have to wait for Hunk to finish class and then we can start checking things off this list." She waved the list in front of his face and laughed when he scowled and hit it away. "¡vámonos!"

Lance grinned at her smirk and swung his backpack over his shoulder, holding out his hand in the opposite direction Keith went. "Ir primero."

 

**\-----------**

Keith wiped his eyes furiously. Running a hand through his hair, he screamed and slid his back down the tree he had run to after leaving the Garrison until he was sat on the floor. He brought his knees to his chest and sobbed relentlessly despite his best efforts to calm down.

He couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't continue like everything was fine.

Dark clouds rolled in as he retrieved a medication bottle from his pocket and tipped the pills into his hand. He closed the lid and wiped his eyes once again. Pushing himself up and steadying himself against the tree, he pulled his hand back and threw the pills deeper into the woods.

 _Fuck you_ , he thought. 

To who, or what, he didn't know.

Fuck his mother for leaving. Fuck Kyllen for being a shit boyfriend. Fuck Ryan for spying on him. Fuck the Garrison for the asshole teachers. Fuck his dad for driving too fast. Fuck his brother for abandoning him. Fuck friends because they 'couldn't handle him'. Fuck Lance for being nice to him when he had no motive.

Fuck him. Fuck Lance. Just... _fuck him_.

He balled his fists in the grass and recoiled his hand when he felt something brush against it. Picking up the object, he uncrumpled it in his lap and stared at it in disbelief. 

 _Lance_.

Fuck, that boy was everywhere.

He checked his phone and let a short breath out through his nose. He had 10 minutes to get home. Fuck that. He opened his messages and added the number to his contacts before clicking on the chat button.

But what would he say?

He forced himself to stand and slung his bag over his shoulder, deciding he wasn't going to say  _anything_. He locked his phone after looking at his contacts one final time - Lance was there, just underneath Kyllen's name. It was real. He squeezed his eyes shut and reacted with strong movements as he wandered through the woods back to the park.

Lance was there. 

Half an hour later he found himself walking through the door to Kyllen's apartment. He slid off his shoes and shoved his phone into his coat pocket.

"Well, well, well," a voice called. "Look who finally decided to show up."

"I'm only ten minutes late," Keith replied with his back turned and tied up his hair. "I'm going to take a shower."

Kyllen gripped his wrist as he tried to walk down the hallway and tugged him back harshly. "No, you're not. We're going to talk."

"I'm not in the mood to talk."

"Too bad. Sit."

Keith huffed, crossed his arms and glared at Kyllen. "No."

Kyllen's eyebrow rose for a second before he smirked and tilted his head to the left. 

"What's this? First, you start a fight and now, you're not listening to me?" 

"How do you kn-" he started but Kyllen cut him off with a laugh.

"Know? I know everything, Akira." He whistled and pulled out Keith's bobble. "Who do you think you are, fighting? Bet you didn't do much damage."

He stared at his feet and tightened his jaw, fists clenched at his side.

"Did you feel good? Bet you felt so proud of yourself, didn't you?"

Keith shifted and leaned in favour of his right leg. He snatched his bobble back from Kyllen and wrapped it around his wrist with a pointed glare.

Kyllen ruffled his hair and traced his hand down the side of his face to cup his cheek. He leant in and kissed him softly. No tongue, no roughness. Just a simple kiss. 

It was almost enough to make him kiss back.

 _Almost_.

"You're kind of cute when you're mad."

He scowled and turned away. He took his time walking to the bathroom and slammed the door. Kyllen's laughter echoed through the house as he slid down the door and buried his head in his knees. 

He had no right...no right...he  _hated_ him. God, he hated him so much. 

Why did he still love him?

 

**\-----------**

Lance groaned as Pidge shifted, tucking herself into the crevice between him and the sofa with her legs thrown over his stomach and she awkwardly crushed his hip.

"If you weren't such an ass and took up the entire sofa, I wouldn't be crushing you right now," she smirked and moved again.

"This is  _my_ sofa, I can lie on it how I want," he huffed and threw an arm over his eyes, ignoring the screaming coming from the TV.

"Is this about Keith?" Pidge asked and bent over him to steal the popcorn bowl from the floor. She laughed when Hunk popped his head out of the pile of blankets and glared playfully. 

"Something was  _wrong_ ," Lance replied and Pidge raised an eyebrow even though he couldn't see her. "Like terribly wrong. And what he said to me...that...it hurt. All I wanted to do was ask him if he was alright. I wasn't going to push him for details or anything."

Pidge dodged the hand he threw up, exasperated. She shook her head and picked up a piece of popcorn. "Open."

He complied and effortlessly caught the popcorn, swallowing it before opening his mouth for more.

"It's not your fault," Pidge consoled as she fed him. "I don't think I've ever seen that guy talk to anyone else. He probably doesn't know how to handle a friendship. He started a fight, so yes, something is wrong but he probably had a bad day and needed to let out his frustration. Unfortunately, you were the one that crossed his warpath."

"Why couldn't he just talk to me instead of shouting though?" Pidge snickered as a piece of popcorn she threw hit his nose and he scowled at it as it bounced off and landed on his chest. 

"Just give him some time, Lance. I don't know why you're so bothered about the guy. You've hardly talked to him. You know nothing about each other."

"Because he always runs off when I approach him!" Lance complained and pouted.

"Why are you so caught up on him anyway?"

...

Pidge poked his cheek. He turned to her and slowly closed his eyes.

"I'm not sure," he admitted and furrowed his eyebrows. "Maybe it's just one of those things. Like when you cried over that girl that was introduced into that weird series you watch because you 'never knew you needed her in your life until then'."

Pidge rolled her eyes but sunk back into the sofa. She twisted the now empty popcorn bowl in her hands and gazed at Lance from behind her fringe. She blew it out of her face as a reminder she needed a haircut.

She frowned when she noticed he was staring at the ceiling and biting his bottom lip. Glancing at Hunk and Shay, she saw they were casually making out, whispering small 'I love you's to each other. _Disgusting_.

"I'm sure he'll be fine. Just let him come to you in his own time and don't push him too much." She placed the popcorn bowl on Lance's head and knocked on it twice. "Earth to Lance, is there anything in that dense skull of yours?"

He growled and pushed the popcorn bowl off his head. It fell off the sofa and landed with a thump. Their eyes locked and they held their breaths, waiting for one of the lovebirds to complain about it hitting them. But it never happened.

"Those two are disgusting." Lance laughed and Pidge bounced with his stomach. 

"You're just jealous," she teased and cast her eyes on the TV. Lance sighed from underneath her and she physically felt his deflation. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean it like that. You know I'm not bothered about your relationships... How are things with your parents anyway?"

"They're...good."

"Lance."

"Father hates me...he keeps trying to 'change my mind'. Mama...They keep pestering me to get a girlfriend. I don't get it, Pidge. What's the big deal?" he frowned and ran a hand down his face. "I'd love to be happy like Hunk and Shay...but maybe it just isn't for me. Maybe I'm not supposed to find love or even someone to settle with for a while."

"That's the most stupid thing I've heard." Pidge squirmed from her position and sat cross-legged on top of him, ignoring the groans of protest he made. "Listen to me. You are worthy of love, Lance. And I know there is someone out there who will fall for your ridiculous flirting and obnoxious personality. Anyone who says you're anything but amazing is wrong and a complete asshole. And fuck what your parents want. You have to do what  _you_ want and take things at your own pace. Please don't ever doubt that you will find happiness because you sure as hell deserve it and so long as I'm around you will never be lonely, okay?"

Lance was at a loss for words. He tried to form a coherent sentence but it was in vain so he simply closed his mouth and smiled softly. It was strange how he could give amazing advice to others and make them feel loved when they weren't having the best of days but he had no idea how to react when he was on the receiving end of those words. But that was just Lance. He helped others but never listened to his own advice.

"I didn't know you could be so sentimental." He smirked after a few minutes of silence and Pidge glared at him. 

"I'm just saying it to make you feel better so I don't have to witness you turn emo and start crying to MCR." She scoffed and turned her head to the side, crossing her arms. 

Lance chuckled and reached his arms up to tickle Pidge. She squealed and thrashed about, screaming when she fell off the sofa and onto Hunk and Shay below. A chorus of groans turned Lance's chuckle into throaty laughter and he clutched his stomach, bending in half, as Pidge jumped up and started shivering.

"I have been contaminated!"

Hunk and Shay joined in with Lance's laughter and Pidge stalked out of the room, cursing at them under her breath.

"I am never going to be able to look at you the same. I felt your  _tongue_!"

Lance wiped his eyes and finally calmed down. "Alright, are we actually going to watch this next film?"

"Yeah, course we are," Hunk grinned and placed a quick kiss on Shay's cheek. "I'll go make some more popcorn."

"I'll just stay here under the blankets," Shay declared whilst she buried herself deeper in the fort Hunk had made. 

"I'll go drag Pidge out from under my bed."

"You'll never take me alive!" he heard Pidge yell. He chuckled and shook his head fondly.

He knew he could always count on his friends to cheer him up.

 

**\--------------**

"Keith! Keith, wait up!"

Keith pulled out his earphones and turned to find Lance trailing behind him, panting heavily.

"Geez, how fast do you walk?"

"Is there something you wanted?" he asked but he was genuinely curious and not being bitchy about it; Lance smiled.

"Actually, yes." He unzipped his bag and rummaged through stacks of paper before pulling one out and cheering. He handed it to Keith and waited.

Keith raised an eyebrow after reading the flyer. "Is there a reason you're showing me this?"

"I'm inviting you!" Lance's smile was warm. Effortless. "If you can't make it, that's fine! I just thought it would be nice to...yeah."

Keith's face softened as Lance rubbed the back of his neck and smiled sheepishly to the side. Kyllen wouldn't let him go... 

"Yeah...I'll go with you," he found himself agreeing and the excitement from Lance that followed was definitely worth it. Something tugged at his heart as Lance looked up at him with wide eyes and his mouth slightly open.

He thought that after what he said last week Lance would have given up trying to be his friend.

But low and behold, here he was, inviting him to a music night at Altea. 

"Great, so uh, I'll meet you after college and we can head straight there, yeah?" Keith nodded and Lance grinned before bouncing back to Pidge. Shaking his head, Keith's lips tugged upwards as they walked away and Lance gloated about his 'victory'.

Keith's phone buzzed and he pushed his earphones back in before opening the message.

 

 **Kyllen** :  _I won't be home tonight_

 

Despite the nagging feeling that it was a lie, he couldn't help the small sense of relief that washed over him.

 

 **Keith** :  _Is everything okay?_

 

He made his way through the Garrison Cafeteria and found a seat outside. Pulling out his sketchbook he checked his phone.

 

 **Kyllen** :  _Everything's fine. I'll be home tomorrow morning. There's takeout in the fridge for you_

 **Keith** :  _Okay, travel safely. I love you_

 **Kyllen** :  _Love you too, Akira_

 

Keith bit his bottom lip and placed his phone face down. He followed the passing students with his eyes before picking up his pencil and turning to a fresh page, his favourite song playing through his earphones.

The end of the day couldn't come fast enough.

 

"YO, KEITH!" he rolled his eyes and turned to greet Lance. "You didn't bail on me!"

"No, I didn't," he replied and shoved his hands into his hoodie pocket. He messed with his phone, twisting it against the fabric, whilst Lance smiled and excused himself for a moment to send a message. 

Keith glanced at him. He was wearing the same green jacket he wore almost every day but there was a patch sewn on to the sleeve. It was too small to read from where he was stood but he was pretty certain it was a band logo. Was his hair...soft? Gelled? Curly? Keith had no idea but it suited him.

When Lance looked up from his phone, he realised he was staring and raised an eyebrow to mask his embarrassment. "Are we going then?"

"Of course!" He grinned and proceeded to lead them down the street. 

The walk to Altea was conversationless but comfortable as they slid past screaming babies and dodged groups of teenagers loitering on the corners. Keith found he didn't mind walking through the street as much as he usually did and when it dawned on him that he didn't even feel that content whilst walking with Kyllen he did a double take. 

 

"So, Keith." Lance hummed as he picked up a fry and took a bite. "What's your favourite colour?"

Keith looked up from his milkshake and tilted his head with a small frown. "Why do you need to know my favourite colour?"

"I don't know, it's just something people know about each other when they're friends." Lance shrugged. "It's like an unwritten rule or something to know the most random things about each other if you're close. It proves you care."

He opened his mouth slightly and took another sip of his milkshake. "Red."

"Mine's blue. Red's too...angry," Lance pondered whilst chewing another fry.

"Blue's too...calm." He smirked and Lance grinned at him before chuckling.

There weren't many people in the shop but there wasn't a moment of silence between the two even when they were both eating or taking a sip of their milkshakes. Keith noticed they were sat in the same booth Lance had sat with his friends and swallowed his fry awkwardly, causing him to choke. 

"Woah, slow down there, soldier." Lance laughed but didn't move to help him out. 

He apologised and hid behind his milkshake. He checked his phone to find it was 4 pm which meant they had two hours to spare before the music night started. 

 

 **Kyllen** :  _Hey babe, just checking in. How was college?_

 

"Do you mind if I reply to this text real quick?" he asked and Lance furrowed his eyebrows.

"Yeah, you don't have to ask."

"Just didn't want to seem rude..."

Lance gave him a curious look but waved his hand dismissively. "Don't worry about it, you're not being rude at all."

He nodded and typed a reply. He couldn't help but feel it was a test, couldn't help but imagine Kyllen sat at home on the sofa, waiting for him. He swallowed but pressed send anyway, shoving his phone into his pocket to turn his attention back to Lance who was happily laughing at something on his own phone. 

Suddenly the phone was thrust into his face and he had to move back to let his eyes focus on the screen. "Check what I just found."

He didn't really understand the picture but Lance's devious grin and rapid messaging after that were enough to tell Keith it was probably blackmailing material.

"Pidge is going to be so pissed." He chuckled and then lifted his head up to Keith, blushing a bright shade of red. "Oh, sorry. It's just she has this bizarre obsession with cryptids and I like to tease her about it. So when she crashed at mine - I think it was around last month - she was talking in her sleep about mutant slugs, hence the googly-eyed slug I drew on her face."

Keith watched in amusement as Lance rambled. His eyes lit up and caught the glare of the passing car headlights from outside, and his dimple sneaked out as he recalled a memory. "Wait...did you say  _cryptids_?"

"Uh, yeah?" Lance paused before turning to fully register Keith's face before realisation dawned on him. "Oh, god no. Please, not you too..."

He only grinned as Lance groaned and slammed his head onto the table. 

"I should have known with the belief in aliens. So...if you're also a conspiracy theorist, does this mean you're going to ditch me for one of my best friends?" 

"What?" Keith was genuinely surprised. "I wouldn't do that...I don't - what?"

Lance let out a laugh that sounded more like a breath of air and rested his head on his folded arms, glancing up at him. He closed his eyes momentarily and Keith's breath caught in his throat when he pushed himself up and put on the cheesiest, most charming smile he could muster and stuck his hand out. 

"Keith Kogane, my  _not rival_ , will you do the honour of being my friend?"

Keith choked for the second time in not even half an hour. He coughed before looking at Lance, perplexed. He seriously wanted him to be his friend? That's a bad idea...Kyllen would go mad. So then why did he come in the first place? Oh god, he should have just gone home in case Kyllen was waiting for him to catch him out. Why did he even care what Kyllen thought? He could have friends, right? Lance wouldn't say that as a joke, would he?

"Um...you just gonna leave me hanging?"

Keith zoned back into reality and realised Lance's outstretched arm was shaking slightly. He placed his own in it and gave him a firm handshake. "I guess it wouldn't be that bad."

"You won't regret it," Lance smirked and pinched one of his fries, laughing when he stared at him with an open mouth. "Now, tell me. Do you have a favourite animal?"

And so he answered. 

 

By the time 6 pm had rolled around, they knew useless information about each other that Keith hadn't even known about himself. For example, the last time he climbed a tree was when he was 7 and Lance always thought of his grandma whenever he heard a Rick Astley song. It was harmless, unstimulating information but as Lance subtly mentioned facts he had stated, he felt...well, he didn't know how he felt. It was something so small yet it meant so much to him that Lance had remembered the name of his pet rock from when he was 5 or how he had gotten the small scar on his left elbow.

And as the acoustic guitar began to play a soft melody and the entire shop fell into a blissful silence, Keith smiled at Lance's profile, gripping his fresh cup of coffee in his hands to keep away the chill that had crept in.

 _I think I'm going to unfuck Lance_ , he thought and then backtracked, trying to rid the image of Lance hovering over him by taking a large sip of his drink only to recoil as it scorched his tongue. 

"Please don't die on me." Lance laughed and offered him a drink of his milkshake. "That would be a new record for me scaring someone away."

Keith offered a small smile but declined the milkshake. He turned his attention to the guitarist and his low voice that held the room in a dazed silence. He felt his heart clench with longing. Longing for life to always be this simple. Longing to spend some quality time with someone who didn't expect anything of him. Longing for the feeling of not feeling alone.

And maybe, just maybe, becoming friends with Lance was the best decision he had ever made.


	6. Which shards

The soft tick of the clock on the fireplace filled his ears. He stood for ten minutes. Ten minutes that stretched out like a small eternity.

Kyllen wasn't home.

Keith closed his eyes and savoured the moment. For the first time in a while, his body and mind relaxed. His mouth twitched as though he was fighting a smile and he settled himself in the corner of the settee, ready to indulge himself in his art before the evening was spent. 

He leaned his head back and placed the sketchbook on his lap. Pulling out his phone he bit his lip as he sent a message long overdue.

 **Keith** :  _Thank you_

He began to draw, allowing his hand do whatever it pleased without thinking about it too much. The flowing blues and greens could have been many things, perhaps a fading dream or fish in cool waters, swimming freely in their own wonderland. He moved automatically, picking up different crayons and adding new lines that morphed into beautiful flowers blooming across the page - fragile, natural, beautiful in their own way. 

He finally checked his phone, a message received ten minutes ago.

 **Lance** : _Keith!? Is that you??_

 **Keith** :  _Yeah it's me_

He locked his phone and picked up the pencil again, placing it on the paper when -

_New message from Lance_

Well shit. That was fast...

 **Lance** :  _well then, you are going to be thanking me a lot from this day forward_

 **Keith** :  _Oh, really?_

He picked up his pencil again -

_New message from Lance_

Fuck. Why was his heart beating so fast?

He curled his legs underneath him and placed the pencil behind his ear, fingers trembling as he unlocked his phone.

 **Lance** :  _Yep. I made a promise and I keep my promises_

Keith raised an eyebrow.

 **Keith** : _And what promise would that be?_

 **Lance** : _To give you something worth remembering. A few memories for when you're old and alone because you locked me out of your house and just sit in your rocking chair all day playing with a knife, voodoo dolls and a tinfoil hat_

A smile crept on to his face and the air grew thick with a tenderness that made him breathe slower, deeper, happier.  

_New message from Lance_

**Lance** : Oh, also here's the photo I took earlier :)

_Lance sent an image (1)_

His stomach flipped when the picture flashed onto the screen. Their faces were slightly pixelated from the dark atmosphere of Altea and Keith could just make out his scrunched up face in the background from the angle the phone was at. What caught his attention the most was Lance taking up half of the screen, obviously closer to the camera but leaning back against the table to include him in the selfie.

The way his lips lifted upward. The way his one dimple crinkled. The way his teeth were perfectly aligned. The warm glow his happiness gave. Keith loved it. Lance's smile was a ray of sunshine.

And Keith was a sunburn.  

He didn't reply. He couldn't even if he had tried. Instead, he placed his phone face down on the seat beside him and buried his head in his hands. 

He swore he was allergic to Lance.

\---------------------

When Kyllen returned home Keith pressed his lips to his cheek before continuing to make breakfast, effectively avoiding being pulled into a heated makeout session. He hummed a soft tune to the sizzling of the pans and resisted a small smile when he realised it was the first song that was played at Altea the previous night.

"What's got you in such a good mood?" Kyllen asked him and sat at the breakfast bar, watching intently.

"Nothing, nothing," he replied and dished up breakfast. Kyllen took it gratefully and immediately shoved a strip of bacon into his mouth. "How were things? Everything alright?"

Kyllen hummed as he sat opposite him with his own plate. "Evan will be staying with us for a few days. You okay with that?"

It wasn't a question. 

"Yeah, that's fine. I'll sort the guest room out for him." He smiled and took a sip of his water. 

They sat in silence for the rest of their meal. Keith's mind flickered back to Altea, the music still raw in his ears and Lance's smile still imprinted on the back of his eyelids, the meaningless conversations replaying in his head. He coughed and nudged Kyllen with his foot. 

"What's my favourite colour?"

Kyllen laughed and leaned against the wall, twisting in his seat, pushing his plate toward Keith so he would take it away and do the washing up. "Why are you asking?"

Keith shrugged and scraped the remaining food into the bin before rolling up his sleeves and grabbing a sponge. 

"You should ask about more important things and not waste your time on stupid stuff." 

The plate slipped from his hand as he momentarily froze and frowned. He scrambled to pick it up and ignored Kyllen's teasing about being so clumsy. 

_"It's like an unwritten rule or something to know the most random things about each other if you're close. It proves you care."_

He rinsed the plate and placed it on the rack as Kyllen grabbed his waist softly and pressed a quick kiss to his shoulder before whispering 'I love you' and moving to the living room to watch TV.

_"It proves you care."_

\--------------

Lance wasn't in class, Keith noticed. It was the first class he had missed in...how long had they been talking now because he didn't actually know he existed before he ambushed him at his locker...?

He pulled out his phone and sent a quick text. It was only a matter of minutes before he got a reply.

 **Lance** :  _Why? You miss me ;)_

Keith's eyes widened. Yes, yes he did miss him. 

 **Keith** :  _Of course, I just can't cope without you here. The world seems so dark, so dismal. What is life if you're not here?_

He leant his head on his palm and glanced at Pidge. She was less lively without Lance and more focused on the work, like a child without a toy. He really was the life of the party, huh?

 **Lance** :  _Aww Keef, I knew I meant that much to you_

He rolled his eyes.

 **Keith** :  _I was being sarcastic_

 **Lance** :  _My heart is wounded </3_

He chuckled slightly and sent another reply.

 **Lance** :  _I can meet you after college if you miss me that much ;)_

 **Keith** :  _No, it's fine_

Kyllen wouldn't like it.

 **Lance** :  _It's no problem. We can grab a coffee or something._

He tapped his fingers on the desk and dragged his bottom lip between his teeth.

 **Keith** : It's fine, really. I have plans anyway 

Please don't get mad...

 **Lance** : aw :( okay, maybe another time??

 **Keith** : maybe

 **Lance** : awesome! It's a date! :)

Keith slammed his phone face first on the desk. 

Dramatic? Yes. 

Did he care? No.

He bent over his table and buried his head in his arms. He had a boyfriend. He shouldn't be thinking about going on dates with other guys or kissing other guys or finding other guys attractive. He owed Kyllen his life. He should have all his attention. He should love Kyllen...

Fuck.

\----------

Their first date wasn't the most romantic, but it was certainly one of the sweetest things Kyllen had ever done for him. 

With ankles crossed and knees leaning against the centre console, he had watched Kyllen slide into the driver's seat, starting the engine with the push of a button. They hadn't planned on where to go or what to do but they made it their own adventure.

The ride was mostly silent.

Their relationship was fragile.  _Keith_ was fragile.  

But Kyllen just didn't care. He told him how beautiful he was, how special he was...told him how much his life was worth living and that he would protect him for as long as he could. He promised he would take care of him and make him feel loved and remember what it was like to be part of a family.

And Keith had stupidly believed him.

\------

He just needed to settle his nerves.

To take the black static behind his eyes and the extra heart in his throat, and shove it all back down to his stomach where it belonged. 

Kyllen would be home any minute, and he didn't want him to know he was about to break down. If he did, Kyllen would say he was doing it on purpose, just to ruin his day, for attention.

"Akira! We're home!" 

Deep breaths. 

Keith pushed himself from the sofa to greet his boyfriend, kissing him quickly before grabbing the luggage he was hauling in. Evan sauntered in, obnoxiously laughing into his phone with a mischevious glint in his eye when he spotted Keith. He grimaced and dragged the suitcase to the guest bedroom he had prepared. Throwing it on the bed, he turned to come face to face with Evan's chest - his phone shoved in his pocket.

"Hey," he purred.

"Hi," Keith replied and tried to push past him. 

"I don't think we've met. I'm Evan."

"Yeah, I know."

Fuckfuckfuck breathe -

"Everything alright in here?" Kyllen asked as he placed a hand on Evan's shoulder, eyeing Keith suspiciously. 

Evan grinned. "Everything's fine. I was just thanking him for setting up the room."

Kyllen nodded and grabbed Keith's wrist to lead him to the living room. He pulled him onto the sofa and wrapped his arms around his waist, burying his head into the back of his neck. His breath sent chills down Keith's spine. But it was no longer the good kind. 

"I missed you so much."

"You've only been gone for three hours," he reasoned. He swallowed the lump in his throat and focused on his breathing.

"Still." Kyllen kissed his neck and he sighed, leaning back into him.

\- - - - - - - 

2:30 am. 

An aesthetic hour filled with cigarettes and vodka seeping into your veins.

An hour that found Keith situated between Kyllen's legs and drinking something he hated the taste of. There were three other faces sitting on the opposite couch. Josh - the dick who he  _despised_. Evan - the random guy Kyllen decided to bring home because  _why the fuck not?_  And Andy - thank  _fuck_ for Andy. Or Keith would have probably lost it by now.

"Babe-" Kyllen slurred.

Keith snapped out of his glaring and moved his gaze to the joint Kyllen was holding in front of his face. 

"Jus' one won't 'urt."

Considering they had been drinking from midnight and Kyllen was far from a lightweight, they must have had a shit load of alcohol. Keith hadn't drunk as much as the others but he still felt the familiar buzz and leaned back into Kyllen's chest.

Keith didn't want it. But the hand digging into his hip where an arm was wrapped around his waist sent its message loud and clear. He sighed and took the joint. His lungs burned as he inhaled, shallow at first, and then more confidently once the initial pain had passed. He passed it back to Kyllen as he let the smoke out through his nose.

Kyllen handed the joint to Evan after taking another hit and twisted Keith in his lap so he was straddling him. Their foreheads pressed together and Kyllen ran a hand down his back, fingers fiddling with the fabric of his shirt and the other traced patterns into his thigh as he slowly exhaled the smoke. Kyllen's body was warm against his, grounding, as he pushed forward and slotted their lips together. It wasn't the first time they had made out on the couch in front of everyone - definitely not the tenth either. No one really cared. No one ever stopped them. But apparently, someone didn't know that rule.

"Kylllle," Evan sang and flapped a hand in Kyllen's direction. "Ellie wants to know when you're gonna be round again?"

Kyllen stopped kissing Keith and looked over his shoulder to shrug at him. "Dunno man. I'll message after-"

He leaned in for another kiss but Keith pushed him back, holding him firmly against the back of the sofa with a hand to his chest. "Who's Ellie?"

Kyllen shrugged. "Jus' a girl-"

"Aw man, you're gonna hurt her feelings if she hears you say that!" Evan laughed, picked up another bottle and threw his head back. 

Kyllen glared and turned back to Keith. "She's no one, come on babe-"

He pushed him away again. "Who the fuck is Ellie?"

"My sister," Evan said.

"Shut the  _fuck_  up, Evan-"

"She and Kyllen have been fucking for 'bout two months?" he trailed off and then nodded with a smile. "Yeah, two months now. She's batshit crazy about him."

The entire room froze, even the music had been paused whilst Josh was fighting with Andy over what song to play. Andy caught his eye. Out. He needed out.

"Akira." Kyllen reached out to him but he was already pushing away from him, stumbling through the mass of empty alcohol bottles and storming out of the living room. He seized his jacket, threw on his shoes and grabbed his phone. 

Kyllen blocked his path to the door. "Babe-"

"Get out of my fucking way."

There was no way in Hell he was going to let him see him cry.

"Akira-"

"Get  _out_ of the  _fucking_ way!"

"Will you just listen to me?" 

"You expect me to listen to you when I just found out you've been  _fucking someone else_ behind my back?" Keith shouted, ignoring the chorus of 'Uh-oh's from the living room. 

"Babe, just calm down-"

His anger was nothing but a shield for pain, a helpless soldier randomly throwing grenades, scared for his life, lonely, desperate. Keith took a breath. "I don't wanna fight."

"You're the one making it happen," Kyllen said. He reached out to grab Keith's arm but he violently jerked back. "Just sit down and we can talk."

"No, I don't want to hear it. I'm going." 

"Where? You have nowhere to-"

"I'm  _going-_ " he stepped toward the door but Kyllen crossed his arms over his chest and shifted to block him again. "Move."

"You have nowhere to go."

"I don't care. So long as I'm not  _here_."

"Just sit down! Why are you acting like this?" Was he being fucking serious?

He took another breath, closed his eyes and spoke evenly with only the slightest wobble in his words as his heart clenches. "Move out of the way."

Kyllen furrowed his eyebrows and hung his head, dropping his shoulders. "Please. I'm sorry...just let me try again? I thought you didn't love me but now I realise you do and it was just a stupid mistake. Akira, baby-"

"No. Don't 'Akira, baby' me. Move out of the fucking way you asshole."

Keith barged past him again, ignoring his comments as he threw the front door open and the fresh air slapped the reality of the situation in his face. Andy shouted at him to come back but he ignored him and ran down the street, turning the corner just as Andy turned to shout at Kyllen.

And he just kept running.

Because no matter how hard Kyllen tried to paint a perfect picture, Keith could always see the cracks in the paint. The shards of glass in the dark.  

And every time Kyllen tried to fix him, he left a fucking wreck.

\--------------------

"Lance?" 

"Keith? What's wrong? What happened?"

"I...have nowhere to go-"

"Tell me where you are, I'm on my way." Keith heard the jingle of keys as Lance stumbled out of bed. He asked him to pick him up from the park after saying thank you and ended the call. 

He placed a hand on his chest, the icy breeze pricking his skin, but he could barely feel it beating. Listening to the minimal sound of The Galaxy District, he observed the road before him waiting for Lance. He hadn't even realised he was calling him until he answered. He looked down at his clothes that were covered in mud from his impetuous run.

What a fucking mess.

\--------------------

"Keith?"

He lifted his head. Lance was crouching in front of him, a small frown evident on his face. 

"What are you doing out here? Come on, let's get you inside." He hooked his arms under Keith's and slowly raised him into a standing position. 

Keith could only follow numbly as Lance lead him to a small blue car parked haphazardly on the pavement. He opened the door, climbed in, fastened his seatbelt, and waited for Lance to start driving. Lance didn't force any conversation as they turned down winding roads and Keith watched the buildings pass by in a blur.

Finally pulling up outside his apartment, Lance turned to Keith and called out to him softly. 

"We're here. You ready to come in?"

Keith nodded and exited the car, closing the door behind him. He followed Lance into his home when he unlocked the door and motioned for him to keep the noise down lest they woke Hunk. At any other moment, Keith would have found it amusing but he just silently moved through the room to Lance's bedroom. 

Lance held the door open for him and moved to his drawers to pull out some spare clothes for him to change into. It was a fairly small room, Keith noted, with minimal furniture and a few books scattered on the floor, some form of washing piled on a computer chair and an acoustic guitar in the corner. He liked it.

"Do you mind sharing a bed?"

He shook his head but didn't move, keeping his gaze on the guitar.

"Hey."

The fingers that wrapped around his wrist were gentle and soft - a foreign touch to him. They eased him around slowly, another hand pulling gently at his other wrist; his pulse quickened.

Lance was a few centimetres away from his face, holding his wrists delicately as he looked at him with an expression Keith was too absorbed in his mind to analyse. 

"Are you alright?" he asked. "'Cause you don't look alright."

Keith swallowed, eyes stinging. Lance pulled him in and stepped closer at the same time to wrap his arms around Keith. It was a tender, warm, careful hug and it took a moment for him to relax into it. He grabbed the back of Lance's jacket and buried his head in his shoulder. Because, no. He was not alright. It shouldn't bother him. He didn't love Kyllen anymore. But it hurt so fucking much.

He broke down. He cried as if every emotion he had ever felt was being shredded from the inside. His cry was raw, wondering how he managed to fuck up his life so badly. But that was what Keith did. He fucked things up. Just like Kyllen said.

He latched onto Lance so that his violent shaking would not cause him to collapse but it was in vain. They both fell to the floor and Lance immediately pulled him into his lap and rocked him back and forth, whispering soft reassurances to him, his own eyes brimming with tears. 

And they stayed like that until Keith had tired himself out and eventually passed out in Lance's arms, unaware that he tucked him in bed and ran a hand down his face as he bit his bottom lip and crawled in beside him, making sure to keep his distance so that he wouldn't feel overwhelmed. 

And he just slept.


	7. The McClains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved writing the second part of this chapter.
> 
> Note:  
> Here are the ages in case any of you are confused.
> 
> Lance, Keith, Hunk, Shay: 23  
> Kyllen, Evan, Josh, Veronica: 25  
> Andy, Shiro, Allura, Matt, Marco: 26  
> Pidge: 21  
> Luis: 14  
> Camila, Mateo: 7   
> Sofia: 4

"Keith?"

He slowly opened his eyes and blinked them into focus. Lance was crouched at the side of him with a soft smile that made his stomach flip. He blinked once again and sat up, trying to remember how he got there. Why he was in Lance's bed... _Shit Keith, you didn't...?_

"Woah, no you don't," Lance chuckled, pushing him back so he was leaning against the headboard. "Here, drink this. You'll be dehydrated after last night."

He handed him a glass and perched on the end of the bed. 

"I also added a bit of honey and lemon to it. Mama said it helps with the headache and sore throat too. She gave it to me many times when I broke down and it always worked."

 _Oh._  God, he felt so  _stupid_. He just openly broke down in front of him like the pathetic shit he was. What did Lance think of him now? Probably the same as everyone else... He swallowed and took a sip of the water, immediately feeling better as it soothed his burning throat.  _Fuck -_

"I won't ask what happened but I'm here if you want to talk, alright?" Lance smiled as he nodded and stood to stretch his legs. "When you're ready for breakfast just follow the sound of voices and you'll find me. It's just Hunk and Shay here and they don't know what happened and they're really nice so you don't have to worry about-"

"LANCE! WHAT DID YOU DO?" 

"Okay, maybe Hunk gets a bit scary when it comes to food but so long as you don't bother his cooking ritual, you'll be fine," he chuckled. 

Keith just stared at him, eyes half open.

"LANCE, I SWEAR TO-"

"I'M COMING, CALM DOWN GORDON RAMSEY," Lance shouted and then turned back to him. "The bathroom is straight across the hall and I've already laid out a pile of clothes on the sink. You can take a shower if you want, shampoo and conditioner are in the cupboard but use my body wash - the blue one on the left-hand side."

He smiled once again before leaving, taking a bit of Keith's heart with him. He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve to be treated so kindly. Lance just felt sorry for him, pitied him. He would be gone soon.

He shook his head and climbed out of the bed, noticing all the covers were on his side. But he wasn't a cover hogger..? Tiptoeing his way to the door, he peered around the corner to see that no one was there and then walked into the bathroom. He was glad to get rid of his clothes. The scent of alcohol and weed clung to them and it made him feel sick. He was dirty - and he had brought it into Lance's home. He probably hated it, thought he was disgusting...

The shower was quick: he didn't want to use anything more than he deserved. He finally looked at the clothes Lance had chosen for him. Picking up the piece of paper folded neatly on top of them, he started to dry himself. 

_Keith,_

_About last night. Please don't think I see you any differently. We all have our moments and it's no different for you. I don't care what you think of yourself right now - well I do but that's not my point - because I know for a fact that all of those things aren't true. I know we haven't spent a lot of time together but you are amazing, Keith. And I'm glad I was the one you called last night because I would have hated if anything happened to you._

_I don't care that you cried. I don't care that you aren't the happiest person in the world. You're my friend and I'll be there for you, okay? Please don't run away thinking I just pity you because that isn't true. I care for YOU. And when you care for someone you give them all the covers at night so they don't freeze and they feel safe - oh, by the way, you seriously remind me of a kitten when you're asleep! You curl up and hardly move all night, like, how is that even possible!?_

_You can stay as long as you need, I already asked Hunk and he's fine with it. It gives him an excuse to show off his mad cooking skills anyway so be prepared to be overwhelmed by perfect meals every 5 minutes!! He's a cooking legend! Better than Gordon Ramsey and if you don't believe just wait until you taste it!_

_Well, I guess I'll see you when you join us for breakfast._

_~ Lance :)_

Keith had paused halfway through drying his hair to reread the letter. A large blush settled on his face as he stared at the piece of paper in his hand. It was so...Lance: awkward yet sweet. He wiped his face and donned the outfit Lance had chosen for him: dark grey jeans and a white t-shirt with long dark blue sleeves. He didn't mind it too much. Better than his at least...

Once he had changed, he neatly folded his clothes and placed them on the bottom of Lance's bed after making it. He left his phone in his coat pocket and stepped into the corridor, holding his arm with the other; the soft chatter and spitting of pans led him to a relatively large kitchen. As he approached, he saw a girl -  _no, Shay_ \- with hoop earrings and short, messy hair sitting at the island in the middle, laughing at something the others had said. Lance was leaning over the counter, occasionally stealing something from the plates as Hunk whacked him with the spoon. 

"Keith, am I right?" Shay spoke, making him jump once he realised they were now looking at him. "I'm Shay, nice to meet you."

She looked friendly enough but he was still hesitant to shake her hand and gave her a small nod. Lance smiled at him and immediately left Hunk's side to pull out a chair for him. God, that smile would be the death of him.

"You're just in time!" 

Keith sat down and Lance took his seat beside him.

"Voila!" Hunk cheered as he placed their plates down in front of them. "Bon appetit!"

His mouth watered the moment the rich aroma of the dish reached his nose. It was only a simple English Fry Up but it smelt and looked  _gorgeous_. He wanted nothing more than to delve in and find out if it tasted as good as it looked but as he picked up his fork, he hesitated and looked over to Lance who was already picking up his first sausage. 

"Are you a vegetarian?" Hunk worried. "I am so sorry I will-"

"No, it's okay. I'm not a vegetarian!" Keith said quickly and then looked down again. 

Lance nudged him slightly. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, I just-" Lance nodded for him to continue. "Thank you." he settled for.

The three smiled at him as he picked up a strip of bacon. He took a small bite and  _HOLY SHIT that was good!_ Much better than his own cooking. The others must have noticed his amazement because they chuckled and Lance finally looked away from him.

"I told you Hunk was a cooking legend!"

"This is amazing!" Keith said and smiled at Hunk. "Better than anything I've ever tasted."

Hunk blushed and waved him off, changing the topic easily. 

"So, Keith. How did you and Lance meet?" Shay asked and Keith choked on a tomato.  _She didn't mean it like that, Keith, get it together._

"He stalked me-"

"WHAT! No, I didn't!" Lance defended, dropping his fork and turning to Shay with his arms held up, palms exposed. "I swear I didn't!" 

"You ambushed me at my locker every day and came into one of my classes that you weren't even in." He raised an eyebrow and Lance stuttered over a response and puffed his cheeks out in defeat as the others laughed at him.

"He's always been persistent," Hunk said and grinned knowingly at Shay. "But it's one his most charming traits."

"Emphasis on  _'one of',_ " he winked and Shay scoffed.

"If it weren't for him I would have probably still been pining after Shay here. I wasn't ever going to talk to her but Lance pestered me until I did and now we've been together for two years." Hunk smiled goofily and Shay leant toward him to give him a quick kiss.

Keith gulped. He used to be like that with Kyllen. He used to give him innocent kisses, looking at him like he was the most beautiful thing in the entire world. Keith had connected to a part of him that others never felt. He had seen a part of his soul that Kyllen wouldn't show to anyone else. He had touched him, seen his reactions, and in those moments, Kyllen was just as real as the blood in his veins, and he felt him like the beating of his own heart. Because Kyllen was his heart. Kyllen was his. And he was Kyllen's.

And that's exactly how Shay and Hunk looked at each other.

Love.

"Keith, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." He refused to make eye contact and finished his meal, thanking Hunk for the food as he stood to wash his dish despite their protests.

He just needed some time...

Just a few days. He'd stay for a few days and then he'd be gone.

\----

Lance had no idea what to do.

It was one of those moments where Pidge would have teased him by saying something along the lines of  _'when has that ever changed?'.._.except it wasn't.

 **Pidge** :  _Just take him with you_

 **Pidge** :  _What's the issue?_

He groaned.

 **Lance** : _The issue is that he doesn't do well with people_

 **Lance** :  _And this is the_  McClain  _family_

 **Pidge** :  _You do have a point..._

He sighed and sent a reply, lifting his head to check on Keith at the opposite side of the sofa. It had only been two days but he seemed to have settled in, if only slightly. He didn't do anything unless he asked first and always apologised when there was no reason to, which Lance found strange, but when he opened up a little he was good company.

No matter how well of a front Keith put up, though, he could still tell when something was bothering him, knawing at his mind. Sometimes things got too...much for him - whether that be noise, the number of things in a room, or even just sitting in silence. And Lance didn't mind that. But that was also a problem at that moment in time.

 **Pidge** :  _Lance, listen to me._

 **Pidge** :  _You've been chasing this boy for about two months now. You said you'd introduce him to Mama McClain and now's your chance_

 **Lance** :  _But Pidge_

 **Pidge** :  _Lance, just take him! Maybe it will distract him from whatever's going on_

He took a deep breath and nudged Keith with his outstretched foot, chuckling slightly when he dropped the book he was reading and looked up at him with wide eyes.

"Hey, I have to visit my family today. Do you wanna come?"

Keith's eyebrows furrowed and he seemed to curl in on himself. "Okay. I'll grab my jacket."

Lance hesitated when Keith automatically placed his book on the table and headed to his room. He had been expecting him to decline or make up an excuse or  _something_.

He moved to the door and waited patiently for Keith to join him. Trying to ignore the realisation that Keith just did anything he asked without question - even if he clearly didn't want to do it - he pulled out his phone and sent two messages, one to his mum and one to Pidge. Keith joined him and he smiled as he held the door open for him, making sure to lock up behind him.

 

"Okay, I have to warn you before we go in."

They were parked outside the McClain household, just across the street, and the sound of children screaming could still be heard.

"My family are a little...loud," he said and offered a sheepish smile. 

Keith nodded at him from the passenger seat of the blue Chevrolet and tapped his fingers against the dashboard. Lance followed his movements and turned to fully face him.

"If you don't want to come in you can wait here, you know-"

"No, it's fine. You want to go in so we will," he stated and unbuckled his seatbelt.

"Keith. You don't have to go, it's  _your_  choice."

He froze at that and Lance frowned.

"Let's just go in."

Lance sighed and climbed out of the car. If Keith didn't want to go in, he'd just tell him, right? He'd certainly rejected him when he first asked him to be his friend, so why was now any different?

"Brace yourself," he muttered just before they stepped onto the lawn and Keith barely had time to react as two kids came running from the house and clung to Lance's legs.

“Lance!” The little girl cried out gleefully. Her frizzy brown hair was pulled into a ponytail and she was wearing pink overalls with a blue top. She looked no older than nine and her smile was just as vibrant as Lance's.

“Camila!” Lance grinned, leaning down to scoop her into a hug. She immediately wrapped her arms around his neck and squealed when he pretended to drop her and turned to the boy. "Mateo! I missed you two so much!"

Keith shifted uncomfortably. He had been there two minutes and he already felt out of place. He steadied his breathing and looked at the front door where a woman was smiling fondly at the three of them.

She had curly, reddish hair that fell to her shoulders and bright green eyes filled with the same excitement as her son's. Bending down to pick up Mateo as he ran to her whilst Lance chased him, she balanced him on her hip and smoothed out her green apron.

"Mi Cielito! It's good to have you back!" she gushed and pulled Lance in for a hug when they reached her; Mateo squirmed away and ran inside screeching and Camila copied him. "And who might this be?"

She turned to Keith with a bright smile and he offered his own and held his hand out. "I'm Keith. It's nice to meet you, ma'am."

"Oh, and he has manners! I love him already," she cooed and pulled him in for a hug.  _Woah - alright - Where the fuck do I put my hands -_ "Call me Luci, dear. Any friend of Lance's is a friend of ours."

When she released him, he stumbled slightly and Lance laughed whilst steadying him. 

"Is everyone inside?"

Luci motioned for them to follow her. "We've all been waiting for you! Always the last," she teased and Lance pressed a quick kiss to her cheek before checking on Keith.

"It'll be alright," he muttered to himself as the scent of food reached his nostrils and the chattering got louder. "It'll be alright..."

Holy fuck.

Lance's family was  _huge_.

"HEADSHOT!" A fourteen-year-old boy yelled the moment they walked into the room and Lance immediately jumped in front of Keith and caught the object hurtling toward Keith's face.

_Wait - the fuck just happened?_

"LUIS! What have I told you about throwing tennis balls in the house?" Luci scolded and hit him on the back of the head.

"Ow, mama!" Luis pouted. He looked  _exactly_ like Lance - the same haircut, eye colour, skinny frame and bony structure - only a lot younger.

"You alright?" Lance asked him and he coughed before nodding, twisting his hands together and then shoving them in his pockets.  _Get it together, Keith._

The other girl in the kitchen, maybe just a bit older than them, dodged around the others and wrapped her arms around Lance, and Keith wondered how he could hug so many people in such a short amount of time.

He liked her style, though. She wore a short, white dress with a thick belt, brown boots and diamond earrings that stood out against her curled red hair. There was a man stood watching him from the opposite doorway and he awkwardly looked away as the girl around Lance's neck turned to him with a smirk.

"Who's this then?"

“I’m-”  

"That's Keith!" Camila interrupted him and bounced over to the woman. "He's Lance's boyfriend!"

Lance flushed bright red and Keith opened his mouth to say something but no words would come out. 

"You caught a cute one," she laughed and squeezed Lance's cheeks. "Who knew my baby brother could actually find someone who would put up with his annoying ass."

 _Cute?_  

"Aw man, why are all the hot ones gay or taken? OR BOTH!" Luis groaned and slammed his head on the table, earning a laugh from Mateo who had crawled beside him and was copying his every movement.

"He's not my boyfriend." Lance coughed awkwardly and tried to ignore the relieved expression his father wore as he glared at them. "He's just a friend who's been staying with me and Hunk."

"How is my son doing?" Luci called over the spitting of the pans.

"He's doing great! He sends his love and apologises for not visiting but he promised to bake an apology."

"COOKIES?" Camila shouted and Lance chuckled and smiled at her.

"I'll tell him you want cookies. I'm sure he'll even put your name on them!"

She cheered and ran into a different room and Lance finally turned to him.

"Okay, so now everyone knows who you are it's time for you to know them." He listed them off one by one. "You've already met mama, Luis is the least favourite brother-"

"HEY!" 

He gestured to the woman still smirking at the both of them and laughed at his brother. "This my sister Veronica, her husband Matias isn't here but Camila and Mateo are their children - twins if you couldn't already tell."

"Having two seven-year-olds is exhausting. Mateo is really quiet, hardly ever talks but God does Camila make up for it," Veronica chuckled and held her hand out to Keith. "Nice to meet you."

"Likewise," Keith nodded and smiled politely at the others. 

"Ah, where's Marco and Sofía?" Lance asked as he walked over to Luci and retrieved a bottle from the top shelf she was reaching for.

"They couldn't make it, Aunt Maria needed some...company. They'll be here next time you visit, though," Luci replied and thanked him with a smile, adding the spice to the dish.

"Well anyway, Marco is my older brother and Sofía is my younger sister. And then there's...dad."

Keith followed Lance's gaze to the man stood in the doorway. His mouth was slightly turned down, his eyebrows were knitted together and once his eyes passed him with dismissal, his attitude seemed to change once Lance addressed him.

"Hey," Lance said and Keith noticed the small gulp he did. His father only nodded before turning and leaving.

Well, that was fucking rude.

"So, Lance," Luis started and pressed his fingers together, his elbows resting on the table. Mateo copied him. "How about I beat your ass at Mario Kart before dinner?"

"Luis! Language!" 

"Oh, you're on, Chato~" Lance smirked and dragged both him and Luis into the living room. 

"KEITH BE MY PRINCE!" Camila dived on him and he had to stumble to catch her as she wrapped her arms around his neck so she wouldn't fall. 

"What?" he asked and tried to pry her off him.

"PLAY WITH ME! YOU'RE SO PRETTY! CAN I DO YOUR MAKEUP?"

He looked helplessly at Lance who shrugged and smiled unapologetically before pulling Luis to the sofa.  _Fuck -_

"KEEEEEEF!"

"Alright, alright..." He took a deep breath. How bad could it be? "Just let go of my neck."

Camila squealed and dragged him to the carpet where she had an arrangement of pink boxes spilling out and open bottles of nail varnish and makeup brushes scattered everywhere. Oh.

 

Fifteen minutes later found him sat cross-legged on the floor covered in pink stickers, rainbow coloured nails and a face full of (badly-done) makeup, staring lazily at the screen whilst the two brothers screamed at each other like wild macaws as they pushed each other away from the screen to throw them off focus. 

Dinner had been dished out five minutes ago but everyone except Lance's father had gathered in the living room to watch the final showdown. They were neck and neck, pushing each other off the sofa and Lance was actually lying on top of Luis so he had to awkwardly crane his neck to see the screen. Apparently, once they had heard how close it was, everyone abandoned whatever they were doing and raced into the room, cramming beside one another and shouting for who they wanted to win. Camila had eventually freed him from his torture and opposed her twin on voting for Luis as she aided Lance in taking down his brother. 

Everyone had large smiles and laughter filled the room along with the shouts and screams of the racers and somewhere along the line, someone had started playing intense battle music. A final scream came from Lance as he crossed the finish line and stood triumphantly from the floor, dancing with Camila and picking her up to spin her around. He kissed her cheek noisily and turned to Luis, sticking his tongue out and pointing at him.

"I WIN, YOU LOSE! SUCKER!"

"YOU  _CHEATED_!"

"NO! YOU'RE JUST A SORE LOSER!" Camila shouted and Lance grinned and tickled her.

"You tell him, Camila!" he exulted and Luis groaned as Veronica helped him up.

She shook her head fondly at Lance. "And you're supposed to be the adult."

"Hey, I may be twenty-three but I can still be a child at heart, can't I Cami?" 

The little girl squealed as Lance tickled her again and squirmed away from him. His eyes locked with Keith's and he blushed furiously (embarrassed that he was acting so childish) when Keith smiled softly at him.

But through all the giddiness and loudness of the McClain family, there was a lot of love and cherished relationships between them and Keith found himself nostalgic for a place he had never been.

\-----

"There's something about you, Keith," Lance said but kept his gaze on the stars.

They were sat in his room. He was on the bed - curled in the blankets with a book - and Lance was sat on the windowsill, one leg propped on his desk so he wouldn't fall and his head resting against the glass.

He didn't explain further and Keith frowned. What the fuck did that mean?

His phone buzzed. He didn't need to check it. It had been the same every day, every twenty minutes.

_New messages._

**Kyllen** :  _Babe? Please talk to me_

 **Kyllen** :  _You can't ignore me forever_

Lance hummed a soft tune and spoke again, unaware of Keith's internal struggle.

"Definitely something about you..."

 **Kyllen** :  _Goodnight, Akira. I love you_

_Fuck._

\-----

He was on the same path he always walked - back where Lance had picked him up a few days ago. His once black boots were now faded and the soles were as worn as the dirt beneath his feet. The laces trailed on the ground, frayed and over-long. With each step, he watched the lace flop in its random yet predictable pattern, altering each footfall slightly to watch the effect, anything to not think about where he was headed, where he would be when there were no more steps to take.

He thought back to his and Kyllen's first kiss. It was a simple kiss. A whisper of words for Keith to look up whilst Kyllen wiped his tears away. He had leaned in to press his forehead against his, trailing his thumb across his cheek and protecting him from the bitterness of the winter air. 

Their lips brushed. Not innocently but hot, fiery, passionate and demanding.  _"Akira..."_  he had whispered slowly, prolonging each letter as if to savour them. He had smiled, making Keith's heart flutter at his voice as he clasped his hands on either side of his face. Never before had the nickname meant so much to him, and he let out a small, relieved laugh as he pulled Kyllen in for another kiss.

He thought about all the kisses after that. Each slow and soft, comforting kiss where his hand would rest beneath his ear, the other running down his spine, pulling him closer until there was no space left between them and he could feel the beating of his heart against his chest. He thought about the late-night phone calls, the loving words, the nights spent in his arms as he grieved over his mother. 

And all of those feelings came crashing down on him as he stared at his screen.

_7 missed calls._

_9 new messages._

He scrolled through the first few.

 **Kyllen** :  _Akira baby? I'm sorry, please come home_

 **Kyllen** : _Babe, it's been five days...I can't stop thinking about you_

 **Kyllen** :  _I'm really worried about you. Please answer me_

 **Kyllen** :  _Who are you staying with? Do you have somewhere to stay? Are you safe?_

 **Kyllen** :  _I miss you so much. It's not the same without you_

He took a deep breath. Continued walking. Breathing.

_"Akira?"_

He froze. His mouth hung open slightly and he looked behind him. No one was there... but his phone was pre-

_"Akira? Babe?"_

His stomach dropped. When did he...?

"Kyllen?" His voice cracked.  _Fuck -_

_"Akira...I've been so worried! Please tell me you're okay."_

"I- I'm -  _Kyllen?"_

_"Yeah, babe, it's me. God, I miss you so much."_

He swallowed thickly, words catching in his throat.

 _"It's not the same without you here. I can't cope. It's horrible."_  His voice was rough, defeated.

He didn't get the chance to reply before Kyllen spoke again and his heart twinged.

_"I don't know what to do without you."_

Hang up.

_"I keep seeing your face. Every morning I wake up and smile, turning round to say how much I love you but you're not there...and - and it hurts, Akira. It hurts so fucking much."_

He was crying. Keith could hear it in the way he carefully said his words, in the way he swallowed before speaking, in the way he struggled for what to say...

The scenery before him blurred.

_"My brain keeps telling me that you don't feel the same. But you do, don't you?"_

Hang up.

_"You think of me too. You still see my face when I'm not really there, just like I do, don't you?"_

Yes...Yeah, he did but that didn't mean he wanted to.

_"...Akira?"_

Hang.

Up.

His gaze fell to the floor, the first tear dropped from behind his eyelashes and onto his shoe. "...what?"

_"Do you miss me?"_

This time the tear was much slower, rolling down his cheek, followed by another. His hands trembled and a chill washed over him. "...y-yeah..."

He squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his fist. He wouldn't cry. He wouldn't let Kyllen know he was winning. He could just say one word. One word and Kyllen would find him, hold him, take him home...

_"I love you..."_

Those words were enough to break him. He pulled the phone away from his ear as he let out a sob, bringing his free hand to his mouth whilst ignoring Kyllen's voice through the speaker.

 _"Can we...can we talk? Face to face? I can pick you up. I don't want to do this over the phone..."_   

And that was all it took for him to end the call and bury his head in his knees, not knowing when he ended up sitting on the floor. He shouldn't let him get to him like that. He knew - he  _knew -_  he shouldn't be feeling sorry for himself. It was his fault in the first place. 

He tried to fill his lungs with air but he couldn't catch his breath. Couldn't even control his breathing - a fucking simple task. No wonder he fucked everything up.

No wonder Kyllen cheated on him.

He dug his fingers into his calves, marking his skin through his jeans. Fuck why couldn't he let go? Why did he want to go back? He craved him, craved Kyllen, craved his touch, craved his love - just fucking craved him. 

_New message_

**Kyllen** : _Babe, I'm sorry...I...I shouldn't have asked. Just please let me know if you're okay_

 _Fuckfuckfuck_  he didn't need this shit. He didn't want Kyllen. He didn't...he didn't...

Why did.

He.

Still.

Want.

Him.


	8. Self-Control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I kind of wrote this during a mental breakdown so I apologise if something is wrong.
> 
> And as I was writing 'Self-control' by DallasK came on and it fit the chapter perfectly, hence the title.
> 
> I have a feeling many of you will like this chapter.

He hadn't meant to stay up, but his dysfunctional internal clock decided to wake him up at 2 am and force him to lie wide awake, fingers twitching and body urging him to get up and move.

His anxiety also decided it would be a great time to burden him with worries. Lance had gone out drinking with Pidge and though he knew that he would be fine, it didn't stop the disturbing thoughts that ran through his head. 

And those thoughts inevitably turned on him. Made him question things.  _What ifs._

What if he talked to Kyllen? Maybe things would work out and they could go back to normal.

What if it was a simple misunderstanding that could be easily fixed? 

What if Keith wasn't showing him enough affection so he felt that he had to go to someone else?

What if his mom had never died?

What if Kyllen had never found him on that bridge? Would he have gone through with it?

What if Lance was getting sick of him and wanted him to leave?

_Lance..._

Maybe it was a bad idea going to him for help.

He couldn't stay there for much longer. He had already been there for...eight days? 

Eight days of sleeping in Lance's bed - waking up to find his face squished into the pillow, an arm thrown around his waist, a leg tangled with his own...his breath brushing against the back of his neck...moonlight softly illuminating his features through the blinds and bathing him in a peaceful light.

_8 days of sleeping in Lance's bed._

Keith didn't know how he managed it.

He ran a hand down his face and pushed himself from the bed, walked over to the window, opened the blinds and sat on the windowsill. Outside was nothing but moon speckled darkness, a shadowy world painted in grey-scale. Stars glittered in the sky like they were trying to communicate with him, leading him to a brighter future with their advice. But Keith couldn't understand morse code.

"Oh, I didn't realise you'd still be up."

Keith turned his head to Lance as he stumbled into the room. His eyes were crinkled at the corners, his smile radiant, face flushed from the alcohol and the cold. He followed him with his eyes as he moved to the set of drawers opposite the bed and placed his keys down, kicking off his shoes in the process. 

"Couldn't sleep."

Lance picked out a plain t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, tripping over his own feet as he made his way back to the bed. His eyes were half-lidded and Keith hastily turned away when he pulled his shirt over his head because,  _holy shit -_

"Why not?"

"Just thinking-"

"You didn't  _wait up for me_ , did you?" Lance teased and Keith's breathing shallowed.

Because Lance was _right beside him_ , leaning over his shoulder to look at the stars. The tame scent of alcohol filled his nostrils as Lance rested his head on his shoulder, his breath fanning against his cheek. He wanted to taste it, to catch it in his lips and trap it there. He wanted so badly for Lance to make the first move, to let him know he wasn't the only one wishing for it. It was wrong. So wrong.

"Were you  _worried_ about me?" His voice dropped, his breathing heavy in Keith's ear. 

He swallowed and pushed away from him, walking to the centre of the room. "In your dreams, pretty boy."

Lance chuckled lowly and slinked up behind him, sliding his arms around his waist. His fingers gently ran across his hips, lifting the shirt up and brushing the skin, causing Keith to shiver under his touch. Lance pressed himself closer and whispered into his neck, warmth radiating from every contact point they had.

"You think I'm pretty?"

"Maybe a little," he admitted and Lance hesitated for a moment. 

He couldn't deny that he was physically attracted to Lance.  _A lot._  And that was a problem when he was already becoming too attached.

"You should leave..."  _-what?_

He stiffened but Lance gently calmed him by pressing harder on his hips but not to the point it hurt, just enough to induce tingling sensations throughout his body again. He was reluctant to speak but, after a soft curse Keith couldn't hear, he began talking.

"I can't think straight when I'm around you." He trailed a finger to Keith's stomach, drawing circles through the fabric. "You make me feel things I've never felt before."

He sucked in a breath. Lance lowered his head so he was burying it in his hair, lips barely touching his skin.

"I wanna hold you close," - he dragged his fingers up his side - "Touch you. Show you how beautiful you are," - his lips moved to behind his ear, just hovering - "And I keep telling myself that I can't...because you have somebody else. But what I feel for you isn't something I can help."

He shuddered and tilted his neck to the side, bringing his hands up to find the ones tugging at his shirt. Lance's breath was hot against his skin, sending chills down his spine and he felt his pants tighten.

"You're just looking for company...you should go and find someone..." he muttered and fluttered his eyes shut.

"I don't want someone. I want you."

He bit his lip as Lance moved his hand down, across his stomach, past his waist, dancing across the side of his thigh - testing the waters. Instinctively, Keith pressed his back against his chest and released his grip as an encouragement, trailing his fingers up Lance's arm as he dug his into his thigh and dragged them up to his hip.  

"You're drunk-"

"I'm not drunk. I only had a few. And even if I were, I'd still want you sober." 

His fingers dragged up his thighs again. 

Keith knew he shouldn't want it. He knew he should push Lance away: they both did. 

"We can't..." he breathed but didn't move to end it.

"I know."

"Too many what ifs."

Lance stopped his fingers and Keith waited in anticipation. It was similar to the adrenaline of not wanting to be caught doing something, like when he was younger and listened for his mother's footsteps nearing his bedroom whilst he was masturbating but carried on despite his fears that she would walk in. It made it all the more exciting. Except now there  _was_ another person there. And he was waiting for them.

"...what if I lost my self-control?" 

Keith sucked his bottom lip between his teeth, his heart hammering in his chest.

"That would be a bad idea..."

Lance turned him so they were facing each other. His fingers gently ran up and down his spine, his other hand coming up to cup Keith's cheek as he stepped forward until they were moving backwards. 

"What if I told you I've wanted you for a while now?"

His back hit the wall and suddenly Lance was trapping him with an arm beside his head.

_Holy mother-_

"What if I told you that I've been waiting for a signal from you. Anything to let me know you want this..."

He pressed closer, pinning his arms to the wall when he tried to move. His eyes bore into him, lustrous and passionate, almost begging.

"Tell me you want this too, Keith. Tell me I'm not the only one. Tell me -"

"Kiss me."

Lance's eyes widened and he softened his grip slightly until Keith slid his arms further up the wall, arched his back and pressed into him. 

"I want you, Lance."

"Are-"

"Shut up and kiss me."

Unable to contain himself anymore, he stepped forward, forcing Keith flat against the wall, and smashed their lips together.  _And, holy fucking shit -_ He swiped his tongue over his bottom lip, responding eagerly when he opened his mouth just wide enough for him to slip his tongue through. It was a sloppy kiss with the faint taste of alcohol being exchanged in the intermingling of their breaths but Keith fucking  _loved it_. He loved it so fucking much because this was  _Lance_ , and Lance made him feel so...he just made him  _feel something._

He tangled his arms around his neck as Lance tracked his hands around his body, running them under his shirt and down his chest. He dragged him away from the wall by his shirt, only breaking the kiss when Keith's legs hit the back of the bed and he fell, taking the opportunity to remove both of their shirts. He moved backwards as Lance crawled on top of him, positioning a leg either side of his waist before keeping himself upright with his hands dug into the bed beside his head.

He leant down but hesitated.

"It's too late to stop now..." Keith breathed and stretched his neck to give better access.

His skin burned as Lance's lips finally made contact with his skin. A hand ran through his hair, the kisses becoming harder and more urgent. Another hand slid around his waist and pulled him up to meet his body and he moaned, curling his hands tightly into Lance's hair. He tugged when Lance bit down as a warning but didn't want to stop the feeling of his teeth against his skin.

"No marks."  _Because if Kyllen -_

Lance hummed softly and he shivered. The lips moved to his shoulders, pressing feathery kisses across his skin, hands holding him against the bed as he tried to rock against Lance's hips. He moved a hand to the waistband of Keith's borrowed sweatpants and grazed against his neck with his teeth, careful to not leave a mark. 

_Shit. Fuck. Wait - stop...the last time..._

"Lance..."

Lance pulled away and hovered over him, furrowing his eyebrows. "Too far?"

_What the fuck, Keith?_

"I'm sorry. I know I said it was too late to stop but-"

"Keith. Do you want to stop?" he interrupted.

_Breathe..._

He nodded and swallowed. "Please don't get mad..."

"Why would I get mad?" Lance questioned and lifted his body off of Keith's to give him space.

"Whenever I tried to stop Kyll-" he cut himself off and turned his head, removing his hands from Lance's hair and lying them awkwardly on the bed.  _Lance isn't Kyllen...he isn't Kyllen..._

"Hey," Lance called. "Keith. Hey, look at me."

He coaxed him to look at him with a finger tilting his head and he dragged it under his chin. 

"I'm not mad. I think it's best if we do stop anyway." That bright smile Keith had grown to love was back and Lance cupped his cheek, swiping his thumb under his eye. "By the way, you look absolutely beautiful."

He blushed and closed his eyes slowly, lifting his head to press a chaste kiss on Lance's lips. He kissed back but it didn't press further, a simple kiss of understanding. When they pulled apart, Lance grinned and rolled off him to lie beside him and groaned into the covers.

"I can't believe that just happened." He chuckled and Keith raised an eyebrow.

"Was it that bad?"

"WHAT?" He snapped his head up to look at him. "No way! It was  _amazing_!  _You're_  amazing. Uh, I mean, it wasn't bad...would totally do it again. I mean it was good, not bad at all. Fuck-"

Keith grinned as Lance stuttered over his words. It was amazing how he could be a complete dork after being so confident with his actions. And Keith thought  _he_ was the awkward one. 

A hand tapped against his own and he opened his eyes to find Lance staring at him and his heart did something fucking weird that he couldn't quite describe as painful but it was definitely  _something_.

"Can I?" he opened his arms and Keith shuffled into them, resting his head on his shoulder and tangling their legs together. Lance sighed contently. "I'm sorry for coming on to you like that..."

"It's fine," Keith replied and ran his fingers across Lance's chest as he left his eyes close again and hummed tiredly. "We're both at fault."

Lance seemed to settle as well as they both melted into each other but although Keith's body was relaxed, his mind certainly wasn't.

Too many questions were going through his head for him to understand them. But one flitted across his mind just before he fell asleep.

What if he had met Lance before Kyllen?

 

\----------

 

He expected the next morning to be awkward. He expected Lance to be gone, or packing his bags and telling him he had to leave. But none of that happened. 

"Good morning sunshine!" Lance grinned stupidly and pressed a soft kiss to Keith's forehead. He handed him a glass of water and moved to open the blinds to let some light in. 

"Good morning," he replied and a smile played on his lips despite his best efforts for it to go away. "You're awfully happy for a morning."

"Well, you know," Lance hummed as he rummaged through his drawers. "It helps to wake up next to someone as beautiful as you the day after drinking."

"I thought you didn't drink a lot?" 

"I didn't." He sent a smirk over his shoulder and straightened. "Here. Do you want a shower?"

Keith took the clothes and shook his head. "I'm good. Thanks."

"Alright." Lance picked out his own clothes and dragged a towel off the back of his computer chair where a stack of textbooks had been thrown. "I'll meet you in the living room. Pidge and Hunk are playing Mario Kart if you wanna join."

Keith smiled softly as Lance walked away and spared him another glance before blushing and closing the door behind him. God, he had it so hard for that boy.

 

"Hey, Keith. Sleep well?" Hunk greeted him as he entered, sparing him a quick glance and a smile before turning back to the screen. 

“Y-...uh... Hey.”  

What the actual fuck.

Hunk simply laughed and Keith took that as a  _'don't worry. We all do that sometimes'_. He carefully sidestepped around Pidge and climbed onto the sofa behind them, confused as to why they were sitting on the floor instead. 

"Woah! How is that fair?" Hunk cried as a red shell missed Yoshi and hit his car and he fell off the track."Pidge! You can't do that! That's cheating."

"Not cheating. Using the other players to my advantage," Pidge replied with a smirk. Her glasses were slowly sliding down her face and Keith was tempted to push them back up but that would be weird because he hardly fucking knew her. What the fuck Keith.

He lazily watched the TV as they completed another lap and listening to the familiar music. He hadn't played in a while - mainly because Kyllen didn't want to play. Kyllen...he should really answer his texts.

"Hey, Keith. You want a game?" Pidge held out a spare controller for him and he leant forward to meet her halfway.

"I'm being Daisy."

Pidge snorted. "You can have her. Don't cry when I pummel your ass, your highness."

Keith chuckled and Hunk cast a knowing look between the two. "Don't worry, I won't. You're the one who chose  _Yoshi_ of all characters."

"Yoshi is amazing! He's always been my character. Just like Bowser has been for Hunk," she gasped and started setting up a new race. 

"When we all first played Mario Kart together we put the characters names in a hat and whoever we drew was the character we always had to play with," Hunk explained when he saw Keith's confusion. 

"Oh, that makes sense. Sucks you got stuck with  _Yoshi_ though," he teased and Pidge glared at him.  He didn't know where this new confidence had come from but he wasn't complaining. 

"Fine,  _Princess_." She grabbed her bag from the side of the TV and pulled out a notebook and a pen. Scribbling down the names of the remaining characters she ripped them up, mixed them together and cupped them in her hands. "Pick one."

Keith stared at her hands.  _If he got fucking toad or some shit..._ He matched her smirk with one of his own and picked a random piece of paper, unfolding it slowly. When he read the words he grinned and shoved it in her face. 

"Oh, would you look at that. I got  _Daisy_."

"Goddamnit," Pidge grumbled and sulked when Hunk started laughing.

"Aw man, you just got beat at your own game." His laugh was loud and contagious, and Keith found he wasn't uncomfortable around them. And it felt  _good_.

Once the race had started, Keith shot off. Pidge didn't seem to phased, running on her usual cockiness of destroying every character in her rampage to first place. But when she reached the third lap and realised Keith was halfway across the map she gawked. 

"No fucking way!" she yelled as first place popped up on Keith's screen and she crossed in second place a few seconds after. Hunk was laughing so hard he forgot to finish the race and 12th place popped up once the other characters had passed him. 

Fuck yeah.

Still got it.

"I can't believe this..." she mumbled and cursed at the screen. 

"I told you Yoshi was a bad character." He shrugged and fiddled with the remote in his hands. 

Hunk took Pidge's remote from her and turned to him. "Pidge has never been defeated. Not even by Matt who cheats so much at Mario Kart that he puts children to shame. Lance has come a close second but he's never been able to pass her. And you just demolished her first try like it was nothing."

Oh.

"I'm sorry-"

"No don't be sorry. This is amazing," Hunk smiled gently. "Pidge isn't mad at you, don't worry."

He nodded and moved to speak the moment Lance decided to walk in, his hair dripping and a towel slung over his bare shoulders. His jeans hugged his legs perfectly and  _fuck_ Keith completely forgot what he was going to say because holy shit why did he have to lose his cool whenever Lance was around?

They literally made out last night. No big deal. 

"What did I miss? Why is the Gremlin sulking?" He chuckled when Pidge growled at him and started mumbling to herself again. Something about beginner's luck but Keith didn't really pay attention.

"Keith just obliterated Pidge." Hunk replied and Lance's eyes trailed to the screen where the 1st place icon was still bouncing on Keith's square. 

"Holy shit! That's...wow, I'm impressed," he grinned and threw himself next to Keith on the sofa. 

He turned to face him and Keith should have anticipated what was to follow but his brain was too busy short-circuiting. It was inevitable. 

"It's nothing..." he said, practically forcing his words out.

Okay, big fucking deal.

It  _was_ a fucking big deal because Lance watched him as he spoke, breaking eye contact once to drop down to his mouth and then back up.

And it had his heart racing for some stupid reason because it was so close and probably wasn't intended to be as intimate as he thought... _but shit -_  he swallowed and bit his lip as Lance grinned widely.

“Nothing? You just defeated the genius of our group! That's something to take pride in!”

And that was it. The moment was gone and they were back to normal. 

"I'm never letting you live this down," Lance cackled and dodged the notebook Pidge threw at him. 

Hunk pulled out another controller and handed it to Lance. 

"So, now we have four players...are we teaming?" he asked as he clicked back to the home screen. 

"What do you say, Keith?" Lance knocked his knee against his. "Fancy being my one-way ticket to Gremlin-ville to defeat the mayor?"

Keith grinned. He was suck a dork. "Let's do it."

Hunk set up the race, and Pidge swore she would avenge her loss. When it came to the character selection, Lance let out a quick laugh that sounded more like a snort than anything else. He looked at his screen to see Princess Peach twirling in her pink race suit and decided he loved the way Lance leant forward, resting his arms on his knees, controller clutched in hand, and set his eyes on the screen.

"Oh, you're going down."

To say the match was intense would be an understatement. He had already seen how competitive Lance got with Luis whilst playing but he thought that was just a family thing and that Lance would tone it down a bit, but  _no._ If anything, he was  _worse_.

Pillows were thrown, bruises were given, insults were shouted...

Granted the cursing and violence mainly came from Pidge but Lance certainly gave as good as he got. And Keith would be lying if he said he didn't find it attractive. Not the  _'turn on'_  kind of attractive, but the type where it made him shake his head at Lance's actions with a small smile. The type where it made him roll his eyes at how childish he could be. How he had stopped breathing for a moment just to take in the large smile on Lance's face as he turned to face him, cheering when they won. 

Fuck. He was in deep.

 

\-----

 

Holy fucking  _shit_ can he not have at least  _one_ good week?

Is that too much to ask?

 **Kyllen** :  _I've started going to anger management. If you bare with me and don't answer back or do anything to wind me up then we can make this work again._

 **Kyllen** :  _Babe, I'm trying here. I really am._

 **Kyllen** : _I miss you. I want you back. Please come home_

 **Kyllen** :  _Evan says I'm a mess without you. I'm not eating, not sleeping... I really don't know what to do. You're my life, Akira..._

He shoved his phone into his pocket and buried his head in his hands. 

He didn't need that shit. He didn't need it at all. He was fine yesterday, falling asleep in Lance's arms again as he pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead and whispered 'good night'. 

Lance. 

He pulled out his phone and sent a text, leaving Thace's classroom. Thace knew things got too much for him sometimes and had constantly reminded him that he could leave without an explanation so long as he caught up with the work when he was feeling up to it.

 **Lance** :  _Outside West Building. Walk to the fountain and look left, you'll see us_

Once he had read the text, he turned off his phone, shoved it into his bag and headed for the main entrance. They hadn't kissed again since Friday night but Lance always offered small touches here and there and pressed his lips to his forehead once before he fell asleep and once when he woke up. Other than that, their relationship had stayed the same and Keith had even grown closer to Pidge and Hunk.

He was proud to say that he had some friends. If only his mother could see him now...

 

It was quiet outside. The Sun shined brightly overhead but the breeze had everyone in coats, not large enough for winter but not thin enough for spring. Lance was sat against a tree with Hunk, Shay and Pidge. They had multiple textbooks laid out for their project and Pidge was drawing random lines connecting the information and he furrowed his eyebrows as Hunk tried to explain it in simpler terms for him.

Shay was led on the floor, headphones in and ignoring the world. She was mouthing the lyrics to the music and Lance pulled faces at her when she looked over at them to make sure they were actually working and not goofing off as usual. 

A shadow fell over Lance's notepad and he looked up, features softening as he took in Keith's appearance. His shoulders were hunched, arms wrapped around each other clearly shivering through the thin shirt he was wearing (Lance's shirt) and his head was hung low, his hair hiding his eyes.

“Hey,” Lance said softly, setting down his book, shrugged off his jacket and handed it to Keith who put it on gratefully even though the sleeves were slightly too long for him. "Why are you out of class?"

Keith didn't respond. He nudged Lance’s legs apart and squeezed himself between them. Pressing his face into the side of his neck, he wrapped his arms and legs around his torso and gripped him tightly. Lance rubbed circles into his back, pressing his face against his hair, and shook his head softly as Hunk looked over at them.

“You’re okay,” he murmured. “I’m right here. Just keep breathing.”

Keith took in a shuddering breath, and then whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“You don't have anything to be sorry for,” he said gently. 

It was amazing how easily he could pick up on Keith's feelings. He knew he hated feeling weak, hated showing people how he was feeling. He knew that it was something to do with Kyllen and maybe his mother. But he also knew that he just didn't know how to deal with his emotions. And Lance felt guilty for being part of the reason he was so overwhelmed.

Keith made a noise, something between a whimper and a grunt, and buried his head further into his neck. 

"Just pretend they're not here, okay? They're too busy working on this project anyway," he whispered and Keith's muscles tensed for a moment before he slowly moved away. "You breathing?"

Keith nodded and Lance trailed his hands away from his back, down his arms and into his hands where he laced their fingers together, squeezing slightly to let him know he was still there. 

He turned Keith so that he was sitting sideways to get a more comfortable position. “I've got you,” he said. “Just breathe. Try not to think about it. Focus on my voice.”

He removed one of his hands to press his palm against Keith’s cheek. He leaned into the touch and closed his eyes. Eventually, Keith rested his head on Lance's shoulder while he had an arm around him. The others had returned to their planning and Shay was adding suggestions, her headphones (well,  _Hunk's_  headphones) wrapped around her neck as she led across Hunk's lap.

Keith started to shake in his hold and he ducked his head to see his face, noticing the small tears quietly falling down his cheeks. He wiped them away with his thumb and pulled him closer when he sniffled and bit his lip.

“Hey, hey, hey. It's alright-"

“I don’t want this,” Keith mumbled, his voice hoarse. “I want to be normal. I can’t...I can’t keep falling apart—”

“You  _are_ normal." Lance shushed him and ran a hand up and down his back. “Fall apart as often as you need to. I’ll be here for you."

He was certain Keith would argue back but he only sighed and muttered a small  _'thank you'_ before curling in on himself and relaxing into Lance's warmth.

Lance closed his eyes as he rested his head on top of Keith's and when he opened them again Pidge was staring at him. And Lance knew that look. It screamed  _'You're doing it again. You're going to get yourself in too deep'._ He held her gaze until she shook her head and returned to her conversation with Hunk. Keith exhaled unevenly and Lance closed his eyes, focusing only on comforting him.

If only Pidge knew how deep he already was.


	9. Lost Hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you read this, please note that this /has happened to me/ so if you have any negative, personal opinions then please keep them to yourself. I don't mind if you comment and flip out at the characters but please don't give /ME/ any hate for it.
> 
> But I know y'all gonna hate me anyway so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> Happy Reading!

"HEY!" 

Pidge almost fell off her bed when Matt barged into her room and the door slammed violently against the wall.

"POUND THAT PIGEON, POUND IT!" He screamed and shoved his fist in her face.

She raised an eyebrow and hesitantly tapped his fist.

"WOO!" he cheered and clapped his hands together, jumping on her bed and pumping the air. "LET'S GO GET SOME TATER TOTS!" 

"Oh my fucking god," Pidge mumbled as Matt dragged her from her room, only just managing to save her project. "What the fuck Matt?"

Matt grinned and pointed her to her shoes, grabbing the car keys from the kitchen side and spinning them around his finger. "Parents are away. Dad left his car. You know what that means?"

"Please, share your new, brilliant idea." She rolled her eyes and followed Matt to the car. 

He passed her his phone and started the engine. "We're having a grill out."

Pidge turned on the radio and leant back in the chair, the soft beat of Linkin Park leaking from the speakers. "You're almost as emo as Keith," she complained and unlocked Matt's phone. "Who am I inviting?"

"The usual."

"Then why did you give me your phone?" she replied and unlocked her own, opening the group chat. 

"I was going to invite Lance but I forgot you have his contact too."

She snapped her head up and raised an eyebrow. Matt didn't look at her and kept his eyes trained on the road as he drove to the nearest store. His fingers tapped restlessly on the wheel and his bottom lip was dragged between his teeth. 

"You like him, don't you?" 

Matt opened his mouth to protest but she beat him to it, sitting up in her seat and peering at him with accusing eyes. 

"All this time...you've always joked about it but...it's real, isn't it? You actually like Lance!"

"Pidge-"

"When you joke about kissing him or fucking each other you mean it, don't you?"

"It's not like that," he sighed and turned the corner. 

"You don't have a chance with him," Pidge said and folded her arms across her chest, returning her gaze to the windshield. The town passed by in a blur and the familiar building loomed over the car as they approached. 

Matt pulled into a parking space and rested his head on the steering wheel. "You don't have to tell me that," he chuckled bitterly.

Pidge kept her focus ahead of her, refusing to look at Matt when he poked her. 

"Look, Pidgey. I know you're mad-"

"Mad?" she scoffed. "I'm not mad. Just annoyed. How long?"

Matt rubbed the back of his neck. "A year, maybe?"

"And you didn't tell me?" 

"Can you blame me? You're acting like a fucking child. We didn't even tell you we were dating because we knew you'd act like this!" he scowled and turned off the engine, throwing her the keys.

He climbed out of the car and slammed the door, not bothering to wait as he stormed through the doors and grabbed a basket. Pidge came trailing behind him and took a deep breath before falling into step with him and grabbed a packet of his favourite crips from a shelf. 

"You dated?"

Matt took a moment to reply as he pulled various snacks from the shelves and filled the basket, balancing it against his hip. He sighed. "Last year."

Pidge nodded, her voice hesitant. "How long?"

"Eleven months."

"When?"

"What's with all the questions?" he sulked as Pidge picked up three packs of different alcohol.

"I'm just trying to get my head around it," she snapped. "I'm  _trying_ here."

"Okay, okay!" 

The two stayed silent as they walked down two more aisles, scanning the products for anything they found interesting. 

"I broke up with him just before Christmas."

"I can't believe you were dating for almost a full year and didn't-" Pidge ranted but then stopped walking and Matt turned around to face her. 

"What?"

"Wait.  _You_ broke it off?" she furrowed her eyebrows and pulled out Matt's phone, clicking on Lance's contact. It was simply saved under 'Lance'. Nothing else. 

Matt chuckled and continued walking to the checkout, grabbing a packet of tater tots from the front as he unloaded the items. The cashier smiled politely and scanned them through. 

"Need any help packing?" she asked.

"We're good," Matt replied and handed Pidge a bag. 

"So..."

"I told you it wasn't like that," Matt smiled softly and handed his card over to the girl. She wished them a good day and they said goodbye before leaving.

They loaded the car and slipped back into the front seats. Pidge pulled out her phone and opened the group chat again. She typed out a message before hesitating and handing Matt his phone. 

"Text Lance," she said and opened a private message to Hunk.

"You're not going to kill him are you?" he joked and Pidge smirked. 

"No. I'm just going to tease the shit out of him about it."

Matt chuckled and sent Lance a quick text. He locked his phone and shoved it in his pocket. 

"Let's go get me some eye candy," he winked and Pidge groaned.

 

He honked the horn three times. 

"LANCE GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE OR I'M LEAVING!"

"Calm down, will you!" Lance huffed and Matt could hear something fall through the phone. "We're coming now."

Matt hung up and Pidge raised an eyebrow, giving him a pointed look. 

" _What_?"

"You're not going to try anything, right? Because he's got a thing for Keith..."

"Pidge," Matt sighed. "This is another reason I didn't tell you," he deadpanned.

"Well?" she insisted as the door to Lance and Hunk's apartment opened and the four residents emerged. 

"I'm not going to try anything."

"Good."

She turned her head to watch them approach. Lance grinned at her and waved so she waved back and cast a final look at Matt as he pulled out his phone and frowned at the screen. So what? Her best friend dated her brother, big deal...she shouldn't have a say in the matter anyway. They could date whoever they wanted...

But as they all piled into the car - squished together on the back seat - and Lance leaned over to turn up the radio and screamed along with Matt to Beyonce, she frowned. Something wasn't adding up.

 

**\-------**

 

Keith sighed and pocketed his phone. Lance nudged him from his seat on the sofa. 

"You okay?"

The battle music from the game Pidge and Hunk were playing filled the room, the occasional flashing lights the only source of light in the living room. The Holt house was nice. Family pictures framed on the walls, neutral colour schemes, a gorgeous fireplace. Keith liked it. 

"Yeah, I'm good."

Shay shoved herself between them and offered them a bottle of alcohol each. Keith took it and read the label but Lance simply downed his, clearly trusting her not to poison him. 

"Don't ask what it is. Pidge chose it."

"It's the best goddamn alcohol in the Universe!" she shouted from her place on the floor as she took out an enemy in the game Keith had forgotten the name of. "It's a weird French brand but I can't pronounce it so I just call it heaven."

Keith chuckled and took a sip, immediately loving the taste. It was a mixture of strawberry, raspberry, mint, orange and the familiar sting of vodka, which didn't really sound appetising but holy shit it was gorgeous. His eyes widened as he took another swig and Pidge laughed.

"Told you."

"Oh my god, I'm never drinking anything else," he gasped.

"Here, you can have mine," Lance said and passed his bottle over. 

Keith took it. "You not like it?"

Lance shook his head and stood from the couch to steal some of Hunk's whiskey. He threw himself over Hunk's crossed legs and started shouting suggestions and attack combos, resting his chin in his palms. Shay shifted beside him and tucked her legs underneath her as she watched the TV screen. 

"I never really understood games," she said and Keith swallowed and placed his bottle on the side table. "I was more of a reader. When Hunk found out that I'd never played before he took me to an arcade for our first date."

"He didn't completely obliterate you, did he? Not cool for a first date." Keith smiled and Shay chuckled.

"If anything it was him being completely destroyed." She smirked. "How was your first date?"

Keith froze and watched as Hunk's character sliced the head off a dragon before he swallowed and absentmindedly reached for his phone. "Kyllen took me stargazing."

"Aw, that's sweet," Shay cooed and Keith smiled sadly.

"Yeah, he was."

Shay raised an eyebrow and was about to ask him what he meant by that when she was cut off.

"IT'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!" Matt cried as he ran into the living room, switched on the light and shoved what he was holding into Pidge's face. "IT'S A WATER-MEL-OWN INSIDE A WATER-MEL-OWN!"

Pidge stared blankly up at him with as the rest of the group laughed.

"Don't hate the water-mel-own, Pidgey! Come on, crack a smile!"

"Is he always like this?" Keith asked Shay and she nodded before taking a sip of her drink. White wine, Keith guessed by the smell. 

"Unfortunately, yes." she sighed. "Sam - their dad - had to set him a 'meme allowance', five memes a day," she mocked and Keith raised his eyebrow. 

"Isn't he like, older than us?" he questioned and watched as he ran back to the kitchen and started quoting Gordon Ramsey, which ended in Hunk passing the controller to Lance and saying he was going to make sure he didn't burn the house down. 

Shay snorted. "He's a child in a man's body."

Keith smiled and took another sip of his beer, lolling his head back on the sofa as he lazily watched Lance and Pidge's characters take out a whole formation. He was mainly focused on Lance though. There wasn't much to watch, considering he was only really moving his hands but Keith found himself staring anyway.

 

The rich aroma of meat trailed into the room and Keith's attention was immediately on the clattering of pans in the kitchen. Originally, they had planned to drag the barbeque out but Matt said he was too lazy and convinced Hunk to help him cook. The rest of them stayed in the living room with the alcohol, confiscating it from Pidge when she started laughing for no reason. 

Lance was led beside him and perked up once he smelt it too. He met Keith's gaze and grinned and he wanted nothing more than to pull him closer and kiss him. But before he could make the move, Pidge bounced up from her seat and climbed over Shay to run to the kitchen. 

"FOOD!" 

"Come on, samurai," Lance climbed off the sofa and pulled him to his feet.

"Actually, I think I'm going to get some air," he said and smiled apologetically. 

Lance hesitated for a moment before nodding and taking a step away from him. "Alright, don't get lost," he joked and joined the others.

Keith pulled on his jacket and opened the door, stepping onto the front porch and sitting on the swinging bench. He slowly closed his eyes and took a deep breath, allowing the refreshing chill to wash over his body like a wave of water. The soft sound of laughter from the others could be heard through the walls but it was a lot quieter and he was glad to get out. 

He opened his eyes again and stared at the few stars dotted across the sky. They shone with pride, half-hidden behind the clouds rolling in from the west and he smiled sadly. His mother once told him that stars were embodiments of people who had passed away watching over their family on Earth; as he trailed his eyes across them, he wondered if his mother was amongst them - even if he knew they were just giant burning balls of gas that were probably dead. 

"What do I do, Mum?" he whispered and kicked his legs so the seat would move. "He's not the person I fell in love with. He's changed so much..."

He sighed and stayed silent as he swung back and forth, watching the sky move above him until he left it to settle and pulled out his phone. Placing it to his ear, he took a deep breath. Maybe he could get that person back.

_"Akira?"_

"...hey."

_"Hi."_

Keith cast his gaze out to the stars again and swung the seat slightly. 

"Do you remember our first date?" he asked and something shifted on the other line.

_"Of course I do. How could I forget?"_

He let out a small laugh. "It was quite the date, wasn't it?"

Kyllen chuckled in agreement and Keith imagined him sitting at the island in the kitchen, looking out at the stars like they used to do when the skies were clear. 

"The sky is beautiful tonight..."

 _"I bet it would be even more beautiful if I were with you,"_ Kyllen flirted and he  _knew_ he was smirking. 

He hummed. "Maybe."

Silence fell upon them as Keith continued rocking back and forth, the voices of the others resounding behind him. The only sound from the phone was a soft buzzing but Keith didn't mind it too much. He closed his eyes and listened, the breeze brushing through his hair. 

_"Are you safe?"_

"Yeah, I'm safe."

_"Are you okay?"_

Deep breaths, Keith.

"Yeah."

_"You hesitated."_

"I'm okay."

Kyllen stayed silent and Keith bit his bottom lip. The Kyllen he loved was still in there. Somewhere.

"I miss you."

_"Come home."_

There it was. Two words he had been longing to hear. 

"Kyllen-"

 _"No, Akira,"_  he interrupted and Keith patiently waited for him to continue.  _"Look, I hate myself for what I've done to you. I don't know how I can ever make it up to you. But please, please let me try."_

He stopped swinging and crossed his legs on the seat, phone pressed tightly against his ear. 

"Things haven't been going well. Even before...this."

_"I can change. I'm already trying. There's only you holding us back now."_

Keith held his breath. Kyllen was trying. And he was just sat here blaming him for everything...the Kyllen he fell in love with was still there. He just had to find him. 

"Tomorrow."

_"Huh?"_

He rubbed his knee with his free hand. "Pick me up after class tomorrow?"

_"I'll be there."_

Kyllen was there. He knew it. 

A scream from inside the house jolted Keith out of his daydream and he snapped his head toward the front door. "I have to go..."

_"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow."_

He smiled. "See you tomorrow."

_"I love you."_

The call ended but he didn't remove it from his ear even when the front door opened and someone sat beside him, causing the swing to shudder and creak. Eventually, he lowered his phone and trained his eyes on the stars. Tomorrow.

"You've been out here for a while-"

"Tomorrow."

Lance raised an eyebrow. "Tomorrow?"

Keith turned to face him and then looked at the phone in his hands. 

"I'm going home tomorrow."

"...oh."

The chair groaned as Lance stilled and pushed it back and Keith could feel it wanting to swing back into place but Lance kept it where it was. 

"Kyllen's picking me up after class tomorrow and-"

"Wait, you're going back to that  _asshole_?" Lance snapped and Keith flinched. "What the hell, Keith?"

"I love him, Lance. I can't just give up on us because of something as stupid as this," he frowned. 

He heard Lance take a deep breath and then he scoffed before standing and letting the seat fall back into place, almost throwing Keith off. 

"And what happens when you do go back? He just says he's sorry and you forgive him, just like that?"

"You don't even know what happened!" Keith argued and Lance scowled. 

"No. I don't. But I'm not stupid, Keith.  _I know_  that he's hurt you in more ways than one. This isn't the first time. I bet your damaged wrist was because of him, right? What about the bruises on your hips?" he growled. "And you're just running back to him believing he's going to change. But he won't because he's an abusive prick who doesn't deserve you!" 

"That's not true!" He looked away from Lance and out to the sky, covering his stomach with his arms. Shit, he saw those... "He's not abusive. He's just dealing with a lot of shit right now."

"That's bullshit."

He scowled and bit back, "You want to know what's bullshit?  _This._ " 

Lance furrowed his eyebrows and crossed his arms over his chest and Keith ignored the way the moonlight kissed his skin perfectly because -

"I never should have called you." And okay,  _wow_ ,  way to be a complete asshole.

Lance flinched and unfolded his arms slowly, trying to catch his gaze but he purposely ignored him and let his vision blur through not concentrating. 

"You don't mean that. Come on, Keith. What about us?"

"There never was an  _'us'_."

No. He was wrong. Things would have been fine if he hadn't left Kyllen and actually talked to him about it. If he had shown Kyllen more affection then none of this would have happened. 

It was all his fault. And he had to fix it.

"Fine. Go back to him." Lance said and walked to the front door. "Just know that my door will always be open for you."

Keith blinked. He sounded so sad...so defeated...He stood from the chair and chased him into the kitchen where everyone was staring at them. 

"Lance! Wait!"

"Do you mind if I stop here tonight?" Lance asked Matt, completely ignoring him.

"Lance, please!"

Matt cautiously looked at the two and then nodded. "Of course not. You can sleep in my room."

"Wait just a minute-" Pidge ordered but Lance cut her off. 

"Hunk, take Keith home. I'm going to bed."

And he just left. 

"What the  _fuck_ did you do to him?"

"Alright, Keith. Time to get you home," Hunk placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a soft smile. "You coming, Shay?"

Matt held Pidge back and shook his head. He walked them to the door and Keith watched the stars above them as they began their walk home. Fresh air was good. 

Hunk and Shay left him to his own devices as they walked, hanging back slightly to give him space but it only made him feel more alone. Kyllen was right. The only person who would always be there for him was him. No one else. Only Kyllen.

It didn't take long for Keith to fall asleep once they got back. He was numb. And cold. Just like Lance's bed. And without him to fall asleep next to, the room only felt larger, emptier. But he was going home tomorrow. Everything would be fine. He would be with the Kyllen loved again. And Lance would get over it. 

He was going home. 

 

**\------------**

 

"I'm going to fucking kill him!" Pidge growled and Matt placed his hands on her shoulders to keep her from lunging for the door again. 

"Pidge will you just calm down!"

"I want to know what he did!"

"Then we ask Lance when he's ready to talk about it!" Matt shouted. "You're acting like a fucking teenager. Stop being so dramatic. You're 21, not 16!"

Pidge huffed and her shoulders dropped as she gave in and threw herself on the sofa. Matt sighed softly and pinched his nose before grabbing a black bag and passing it to her. 

"Come on," he said. "Let's get cleaned up and go to bed."

She pushed herself off the sofa and threw the empty bottles and packets into the bag. It had been a while since they had to clean the house because everyone would usually clean up their own messes before they left but...certain circumstances proved otherwise. Once they had vacuumed the floor, packed away the console and washed all the plates and pans, Pidge tied the bag and threw it in the bin outside. 

"Take care of him for me," she said as she removed her shoes and climbed the stairs. 

"Don't worry, I will," he replied and wished her goodnight before she retreated to her room. 

He knocked on his bedroom door three times before it opened. Lance stepped aside to let him in and moved back to his bed. 

"It's been a while since I've been in here," he muttered as Matt closed the door and moved to his desk. 

"It's been a while since I've had to knock on my own door," he chuckled and pulled off his shirt, replacing it with a hoodie. 

He was already dressed in sweatpants and he noticed that Lance had changed into some of his pyjamas as well. He sighed before he walked over to him and sat across from him, mimicking his position of crossed legs. 

"I'm sorry for just...all this," Lance sighed and Matt frowned. 

"What happened?"

Lance didn't answer immediately and he closed his eyes before tilting his head back. "Keith is going home tomorrow."

"Oh?" 

"To his boyfriend. The one I think is abusing him."

"Oh."

"Yeah," Lance laughed bitterly and looked up at him through his fringe. "I may have shouted at him instead of being mature about it and now I'm pretty sure I fucked up my once chance to help him get away from that prick. You know, we're technically having an affair because he's still with his boyfriend and I practically forced myself onto him."

"It's not your fault-"

"Is it not? I mean, the one chance I have with this amazing guy and I royally fuck it up. I always do," Lance sighed and rubbed his face. 

"Not always..."

Lance just stared at him and Matt rolled his eyes. 

"Listen, what happened between us...don't let that change anything, okay?" he waited as Lance leant against the headboard and sighed. 

"You know, he said the words I said to you when we broke up." He lifted a hand to gently stroke Matt's cheek. "I know how much it hurts now."

"Yeah, well. It serves you right, _asshole_ ," Matt slapped his hand away playfully and moved closer.

"Is it not weird having me in your bed again?" he chuckled and a small smile played on Matt's lips. 

"Once you're in, there's no escape."

"Oh really?" He laughed and closed his eyes. 

...

Matt tugged at Lance's sweatpants and spoke quietly. "Pidge is worried about you."

"Pidge is always worried about me."

" _I'm_  worried about you."

Lance hesitated before slowly peeling his eyes open. Matt was already looking at him. 

" _Are you now_?" he hummed, smirking as Matt rolled his eyes and leant forward to flick his forehead. 

"Yeah, douchebag."

"What are you? A thirteen-year-old?" he teased and lifted his arms to defend himself as Matt lunged for him. 

They both laughed as Matt fell and hovered just over him so he wasn't crushing him. His back pressed awkwardly against the wall but he still smiled as he looked up and dragged his thumb along the scar on his cheek. He wrapped his arms around Matt's neck as he leant down and kissed him softly.

"Thank you," he whispered before he pressed their lips together again. 

He shifted so he was sat with his back fully pressed against the wall and Matt straddled him, running his hands through his hair.

"Pidge knows about us, by the way," he admitted between kisses and Lance furrowed his eyebrows when he moved to kiss his neck. 

"What do you mean,  _knows_ about us?" he asked and ran his hands up Matt's back. 

"Not everything." He kissed him again. "But she knows we dated. Recently broke up."

Lance groaned as Matt kissed him again but it wasn't a groan of pleasure. "Does she know why?"

"No."

Lance sighed. Good enough for him. 

He pulled Matt in for another soft kiss and cupped his cheeks with his hands. 

"You know, Keith does this thing where he scrunches up his nose and just zones out?" he said. "It's adorable."

Matt hummed and twirled a strand of Lance's hair between his fingers. "Shiro's got a scar, right...here." He traced a finger across his nose and then kissed the imaginary line. "He hates it but I think it's really attractive."

"You just have a thing for scars," Lance chuckled as he poked Matt's cheek. "I still can't believe you gave yourself that."

"Hey! It makes me look edgy and hot as fuck." He winked and Lance rolled his eyes. 

"How's it going with Shiro, anyway?"

"It's... _not_." He sighed and rested his forehead against Lance's. "He's in a relationship with this woman named Allura. And...we're kind of in an argument at the moment."

Lance pushed his hands under Matt's hoodie and traced patterns into his skin. "What kind of argument?"

"One I caused."

Lance hummed and closed his eyes. He knew not to ask when Matt didn't give him a straight answer. 

"I've missed this."

Lance raised an eyebrow. "And what exactly is  _this_?"

"Whatever we want it to be," Matt shrugged with a grin and pressed a sloppy kiss to his cheek, accentuating the 'Mwah' to make him laugh. "Let's just hope none of us gets a boyfriend soon so we can keep this up."

Lance chuckled and dragged Matt down until there was no more room for talking. They didn't go any further than kissing, but that was the way it had always been. Maybe he just didn't want to let it go. His and Matt's relationship...it was certainly something. They weren't in a relationship but they weren't exactly friends with benefits either. And that left him nowhere. All he knew is that they needed each other. Simple as that. And he was completely fine with it. 

Because his heart was reserved for Keith and Matt's was reserved for Shiro; until then, they only had each other. 


End file.
